Striking The Balance
by Bao Bei Tony
Summary: Rayne AU Doc Nightshade Verse
1. Chapter 1

Striking The Balance

Chapter One

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died.

"Are you ready for this _mei mei_?" asked Wash as he looked to his left at River. "Velocities and angles of entry have been weighed. Optimal results will be achieved in 6 minutes 42.5 seconds." replied the co-pilot with a huge grin.

Sometimes Wash felt a little funny when she was so exact in her calculations but so far she was always pretty close to the money on her estimates so he just smiled back hit the intercom and said " We're down in less than 7 minutes folks. I'm letting River handle this one.".

Back in the galley Jayne smirked and looked at Mal and said " Betcha the first round she don't even bounce us once this time.".

"Well the little albatross is getting a might better with her landin's an all. But she does tend to come down like she's makin a combat drop, so you're on Jayne.".

Inara laughed from the stove as she picked up the teapot, looked at them "You do realize that Wash is letting her land blindfolded again._Dong Ma_ ?". Jayne just smiled but Mal got that look he always has when he finds himself out of the loop about what's happening on _His_ boat. "Wash I thought we already had this discussion!." he yelled over his shoulder.

She smiled at Mal poured them both tea and sat down next to him. "Relax. You're still the Captain. Besides you know River would never hurt your ship. And the last two times you didn't even notice she did it.". Then seeing him at a loss for words just grabbed him by the front of his shirt pulled him to her and gave him a kiss that kept him speechless about River for the rest of the landing. "Woman, I do believe you are usin' your wiles on my yet again and to be truthsome I'm liking it.".

Simon looked totally out of character for a core raised doctor. Wearing old work clothes and pretty much covered in grease and flakes of fine rust layin' on the deck plate partways under Serenity's engine core, thought Kaylee to herself. "I think you're finally gettin' a feel for my girl. And you look so _shuai_ with a little grease on ya. I'm thinkin' I should be lockin the door for a bit.".

"Well" replied Simon, "Your new compression coil will be in at the parts depot. Since Inara quit the guild and started being cargo master I've spent more time helping you fix the ship than patching up the Captain. Not that I mind that is.". He quickly added looking up at her. "How's bout we just lock that door for a few minutes there Dr. Tam. I'm thinkin I can fit you in my busy schedule." came her reply as she flipped the lock and shucked out of her coveralls. Simon just smiled as he unbuckled his belt.

Zoe lay resting on her and Wash's bunk. She smiled and lightly passed her hand over her belly. No one had noticed that her body armor had been fitting kind of snug as of late. The last few jobs she didn't need it but had worn it anyway. She thought it was funny how that Wash had been getting sick in the mornings while she felt fine. "I think I'd better have a talk with my husband real soon." she thought to herself.

Wash looked a little green as he watched the altimeter spinning down and the friction flames licked over the outside of the cockpit glass. "Uh River, don't you think we're dropping a bit too fast?" he asked. "Negative, we are at proper velocity for angle of insertion. Hull temperature is still within safe operational limits. And besides you have other things to worry about." she said turning to face him with her blindfold firmly in place. "We are going to acquire new crew members soon. You're going to need more dinosaurs. And will have to learn to share them."

Wash was puzzled by her remarks. New crew? Share his dino's? River was the only one that he ever played dino's with. Sensing his confusion she said "All will become clear soon. Now relax while she lands the boat. There is still a factor of difficulty involved.". Wash quietly buckled his harness as River giggled.

Jayne sat and worked the edge of his knife over the stone. There had been a few changes since Miranda. The first had been Doc an lil Kaylee. They'd started sparkin' like flint on steel an purt near set off the smoke detectors. An the first time th capt'n caught em sexin' in th engine room he heard Mal all the way into the cargo bay. He looked down the back passage way when he heard the engine room door close and smiled to hisself. At least the were closin th door now. Hell of it was ol doc weren't so prissyfied since they bin sexin. He even spotted for him once in a while since th Sheppard went back to Haven. Course Jayne lettin him know Kaylee and River liked ta hide and watch em lift kinda spurred em on too.

Capt'n an 'Nara was getting long better too since he pulled his head outa his _pigoo_. A little maneuvering with the rest o the crew fixed that. All it took in the end was a couple of bottles of cheap saki n lockin em in the Capt'ns bunk. The rest kinda just worked itself out.

Since they'd been makin' tidy coin lately. Jayne decided he's spend a bit when they landed. A good bottle and maybe a trip to the local gunsmith. What with the almost regular schedule Nara had em on runnin' supplies of all kind o fancies to different Companion Houses he ain't shot nobody fer a while an it was right boring. Bout all he ever did was move cargo an go wrangle supplies with th womenfolk ta get their scary man discount.

Serenity seemed to scream into the landing pad but at just the last minute paused into a solid hover as the gear came down and settled gently, much to the relief of the ground crew on the next pad. The Eavestown dock crew exchanged a few coins between themselves and went to hook up ground power, water and septic vac as the engines spun down. Captain Reynolds

cargo mistress was a fine tipper and they took good care of her and her ship.

Wash sat open mouthed watching River on final approach. Balancing the two vertical thruster controls with one hand and holding the yoke with the other and dancing her feet over the lateral trim pedals without benefit of a visual, he never got over his amazement. "How is it possible for you to do that?" unable to hide his envy.

"Leaf on the wind. Her secret is she looks through your eyes. You shine so bright when you fly, the girl cannot help but see the light.".

Wash looked at her as she took the blindfold off. "So you read my mind then?".

"Of course." she said "But only when you are so bright and loud, and when you fly you really shine and sing very loud."

"Um, am I ever so bright and loud other that when I'm flying that you, uh see or hear me?" he asked nervously.

"Used to." she replied "Not so much now, I can filter it better now that I know how everyone thinks. But if you think really loud I can hear you.".

"Wow shiny." and thought to himself quietly that this was interesting.

She looked at him very conspiratorially and mentally whispered "It's a secret don't tell anybody except Zoe.". He was looking right at her when he heard her say it. His mind almost missing the fact her lips had not moved.

"Did you.." he started to say. She put a finger to her lips. Winked and disappeared from the bridge like a puff of smoke. "_Ta Ma De." _thoughtWash as he shut everything down.

Chapter Two

Mal heard her coming. The pitter patter of little combat booted feet ringing down the deck plates from the bridge even as the engine's whine started to spin down. "Albatross. What did I say about landing the boat without looking?" he said in his best captain'y voice.

"If you crash my boat playin' them mind games you'd better kill me in the crashin' or you'd tan my hide." she parroted back to him like he'd told her the first three times. "I was watching the whole time. Because this boat's my home and I just love my captain." changing her accent from Captain to Kaylee in an instant.

River threw her arms around his neck from behind for a quick hug and speaking just loud enough in her own voice for Inara and Jayne to also hear "You're buying the first round sir and it looks like some of us landed easier than others." smiled and took off at a run for the cargo bay.

"Rough landing." Mal said as Simon and Kaylee entered the room a few seconds later. "Were a might bumpy for a lil bit Capt'n. But it smoothed out there at the end." Kaylee replied glowingly. Simon just looked at a loss for words. It was quiet for about two seconds and then everybody started laughing.

"Doc just keep her happy and remember to lock the doors or I'm turnin' Jayne loose on ya. _Dong ma_?". Simon stiffened and stammered "Yes of course Captain. I wo..". "Relax Doc. Cap is jes yanking ya a little." Jayne interrupted. "Side's iffin I hurt ya, Crazy would jes kill me with her brain." he laughed.

Simon visibly relaxed at Jayne's simple statement. He had made his peace over Ariel with Jayne long ago, and even though he was an untrained ape at times he felt he could trust him.

None of this unspoken dialog went unnoticed by the rest present.

Mal even saw the change in the merc toward the doc but was unsure about it just a little. Like everything else he was just a little blind to things right in front of him. But now Inara clued him into things like that.

Inara saw how hard Jayne had worked on Serenity's refit with her and River while Mal and the others were recuperating. She noticed the haunted look he got at times. He was good at hiding it from the others but her training made it glow like a neon sign. She was pretty sure River saw it too but had never spoken to her or him for that matter, about it.

Kaylee on the other hand wore her heart right there on her sleeve and was beaming that her _bao bei_ and Jayne were getting along so shiny. She also knew if she said something about it they'd both deny it.

Mal spoke first "Jayne I'll be needin you onboard till the new guild house picks up their cargo then you can do as you like. 'Nara if you would wave em please I'd appreciate it.

Doc, after you and Kaylee arrange for our parts to be delivered can take the rest of the day off. Wash and Zoe are gonna be gone overnight. Something about a hot bath and bed.

I thought it would be nice to meet up about 1800 at that little restaurant we went to the last time we were here. My treat and you can pick up your pay. I don't expect to leave here till at least noon tomorrow.".

"Capt'n?" asked Kaylee "I'd really like to install that new coil while were here, but um..".

"Mayhaps you might be needin a little more time. I know its a big job. I think we could spend a little more dirt time so we don't end up on the drift _mei mei_." Mal could see the look both women gave him and he knew he'd earned a few points. And thought how it didn't take that much if an effort to keep his crew happy.

"Shiny, I love my Captain." she laughed. "Come on Simon we need to clean up.". She dropped her voice and said to Simon " I'm thinkin we should conserve us some water.". And grabbing his arm fairly bounced out of the room.

"Lock the door" all three of them said at the same time smiling.

"Well if you will excuse me I'll go to my office and send that wave." Inara said as she took the tea service to the sink. "I'll wait to book a cargo until we get our parts installed if thats alright with you Mal." and she came over and kissed him again. One of those 'wait until I get you alone later' kisses.

And left for her old shuttle she used as an office nowadays.

Jayne looked at Mal "Ya don't really think you run things anymore do ya Mal?". Mal just smiled and said "Reckon I don't really but don't be tellin th rest of th crew ok?". "Your secrets safe with me." said the big man, and he didn't even break a smile as he continued to hone the next knife.

"Lamby toes?" Wash called as he came down the ladder. "I asked Mal for the night off. Lets go find a bath and a bed. And some food the Doc didn't get near.". Zoe stretched like a cat on the bunk "Husband that sounds like a wonderful idea." .

"River says I'm all bright and loud," Wash started to say.

"That you are husband, that you are.". Thinking back to that horrible day on Mr Universes moon and how the girl snatched Wash out of his seat and death for certain. Smiling she grabbed the front of his Hawaiian shirt and pulled him close "I have a job for you. I'm naked under this blanket flyboy."

"Work, work, work." Wash said as he kissed her.

Chapter Three

"Thank you we'll expect you within the hour. I'm not sure of our departure as we will be doing some maintenance while we are here. We would be happy to transport a few passengers If you can wait until we get a little housekeeping done." Inara said to the young woman on the cortex screen.

"There is no real rush Miss Serra The girls can wait a few days. The trainees will be abuzz about shipping with you and your pirate captain." she laughed. "Is it true, the stories I mean?".

"Not a word my dear. The temple never caught fire. I'll wave you when we have a departure scheduled and we will get them all settled in." Inara smiled and cut the connection.

It really caused a scandal when she left the guild for Mal. She felt at home on Serenity. Two bottles of cheap saki and a locked door. Most of that night was fuzzy still, but the next day and night were clear as a bell. "I wonder when they really unlocked that door" she thought humming happily to herself.

"Come in." She said turning to the shuttle door knowing Malcolm Reynolds never knocked, and was unsurprised as River entered. "What can I do for you _mei mei_?".

"Fourteen hours and nine minutes." River said cryptically "Amount of time door was locked. Only sent Zoe to check after thirty six hours.". Both women smiled knowingly. Inara was getting used to getting answers to unasked questions in private from her. "Wasn't peeking, you asked loud and clear." River said taking a step back toward the door. Inara just opened her arms and the girl flew to her. "So fragile" thought Inara soothing her. "How can I help you?".

"Beautiful companions coming to visit our home?".

Inara knew she was being read but River was very discreet and she trusted her like her own child. "Trainees sweetheart. Going to Sihnon.".

Tears ran down Rivers face as she looked up. "Too many variables, too many beauties, she will be overlooked. An ugly duckling among swans!".

Inara understood immediately, but still had to ask "Overlooked by who dear?". "The haunted bear who should really be a swan, but he builds the wall..."cried River into Inara's breast.

"You mean Jayne don't you sweetheart. I think it's time to teach you some feminine wiles you are not a girl anymore. It's time for everyone to see what a lovely woman you really are.". River looked up and brightened "But..".

"Don't worry I know just what to do. If this is what you really want.".

"Yes I do, please..".

"Well let's get started." and Inara got a look on her face that would doom a mortal man to that Special Hell that Book told Mal about.

"Mal?" Inara's voice came over the com. "Yes _bao bei_." He replied.

"Our cargo will be picked up in the next hour. We have a charter booked at our leisure to Sihnon. We can pick our cargo there and go just about anywhere you want to after that." ."Thats mighty fine news 'Nara." One of these days he was gonna have to make an honest woman of her.

"Mal would you mind, River needs a few things. I'd like to take her shopping. We could meet you later at the restaurant?".

"That would be fine. Both of you carry sidearms and comms. And be careful." he added knowing River could take care of them both.

"I love MY Captain." she said, broke the connection and looked at River. "Let's go shopping." she said smiling.

"Well shiny Inara takin Crazy shoppin n I don't gotta go." rasped Jayne. "Plus I'm getting paid and won a bet and getting dinner sprung fer. What a good day to be me!". He picked up his knives and stone. "I'll put these up and meet ya in tha bay." and with that he headed for his bunk passing Zoe and Wash as he left.

"Wash did you let River land blindfolded again?". Mal growled.

"Why no Captain." he replied smoothly "She said she was watching the whole time.".

"Well ok then if you say so. We might be kissing the dirt a little longer than I thought. Kaylee's got some parts ta install that'll keep us off the drift. So take a comm an go relax for a couple a days. If you'd like we're all meetin for dinner at 1800 at that place we ate last time, my treat and I'll have your pay then too.".

"Sounds good sir. Meet you there." and Zoe shouldered her overnight bag.

"Lamby toes, You gonna need more clothes?".

"Husband I'm only gonna need clothes for dinner and coming back to the ship" She purred. "Shiny" was all he said with a big grin on his face.

Mal and Jayne loaded the last of the cargo onto the transport. Got their coin easy peasy and locked down the ship as soon as the Doc and Kaylee were ready. "Everybody got your comms?" Mal asked. "Yes." came the chorus in trio. "Ok remember where we parked." He joked. And they headed into town.

And once again Mal marveled at Inara's foresight. She'd wrangled a spot only a short walk from town and in the best part of the docks. Yep wiles that is what it was. He took a big stretch, smiled and followed after his crew. "Yes gonna have to keep her this time." he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Striking The Balance

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died.

Chapter Four

Inara made a quick call on the shuttle cortex. Took River's hand and left the ship. She stopped for a moment, and greeted the foreman of the dock crew. After a brief thank you and a small renumeration for his crew they were off again leaving the men smiling in her wake.

Just a few minutes later the entered a small storefront with a sign that just said "Mr. Anton's". "Miss Inara, Darling I've cleared my afternoon for you." Said the plump little man holding a poodle, who was dressed in a chartreuse caftan.

"Mr Anton, A pleasure to see you again. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice. This is my niece Miss River. We have an event coming and I want to treat her to the works. And I'm overdue for a little me time also.".

"Say no more, Miss Inara. I live to serve beauty, And I see you've brought me a fine blank canvas to make lovely art with." He said as he practically quivered in anticipation.

River was not quite expecting the transparent but frank appraisal the man gave her. She knew the whole sly persona was a charade that the local women expected. And that the stunning blond hostess in front was really his wife. But it kept the house fraus from making advances, Lorelei from becoming jealous and it increased the amount he could get the market to bear. She just smiled and followed him as he motioned to her.

Mal just kind of moseyed with his hands in his pockets along with Jayne into town. Kaylee had drug Simon off by the arm and they lost sight of them. A joyful shriek sounded off some where down the street, and Mal's hand dropped to the butt of his pistol automatically.

Jayne just chuckled and said "Relax Capt'n thats just Kaylee find'n sumthin shiny is all." They walked on for a bit and sure enough there was a fruit stand with a whole mess o strawberries. They didn't see her but they both knew Jayne was right.

"Mal I'm needin to talk at ya a bit. What say we get us a cold one in the shade."

"I am a bit parched reckon a quick one won't hurt." and he walked into a little bar on their side of the street.

It was dark and quiet inside, and it had that stale beer and smoke smell of just about every bar they'd both ever been in. Kind of comforting in a familiar way. The barkeep drew em a pitcher of some hoppy brew set out two clean glasses and took Jayne's coin with a nod. They picked up the works and went to a table and sat down facing the door.

"Well Jayne, what's on your mind?".

Jayne busied himself pouring beer and cleared his throat. Hoisted his glass and emptied it. Mal thought it best to follow his example.

After two more glasses apiece the pitcher had died a swift death.

Mal waved another one up, paid and poured another round then just waited for the big man to speak.

"Mal I don't know what ta do." he finally said. "There's this girl see..n I don't think I'm good enough fer her. I want ta court her proper an she ain't no workin girl either. She's bout drivin me out mah mind.".

Mal looked at him with his best serious look and asked "Jayne do you truly love this woman?". Jayne looked back even more seriously and nodded his head. "But she's just a girl and way too young fer an old _hundan _like me." then he threw back his beer and hung his head sadly. "Sides taint good nuf fer her atall.".

Mal saw where this was headed. Over two months ago he'd needed a rag to wipe up a spill and pulled a piece of striped cloth outa Kaylee's rag bag. He knew it was the remains of Jayne's whoring shirt. Jayne told her he didn't need it nomore so she cut it up to rags. She knew why but never told anybody. " So who is this fine girl that's go ya so twisted?"Mal asked and he tossed back his drink to keep up.

Saying it as a mournful groan "Riv-ver." escaped Jayne's lips as his eyes never left the table.

"Well That explains your whoring shirt. And why you seem to always be about when we ground ship. Reckon there's worse you could fall for Jayne.".

His head came up like a shot. Mal ignored the shiny look to his eyes. "Ya don't wanna space me?" came his semi hopeful question.

"If you hurt her you'll answer to me, if she leaves enough of you. You have to let her know. If she's willing, and you can get past the Doc I'll try to be all right with it. If she ain't you back off quick, I've seen you two sparring in the cargo bay. Ain't no countin the ways little albatross could kill ya if she wanted to. She's 18 and grown. But right deadly, are you sure Jayne?".

"She's sure right deadly. Taking on that mess of reavers.. My Ma always said when it's right you'll know. It's right Mal I know it.".

"My Ma said the same thing too Jayne. I'm still feeling my way with 'Nara. But I do know womenfolk like to be doted on. And bought presents at times. Being nice to the Doc will help too. One other thing. When you say her name look her in the eye, n hell smile once in a while! I'll see you at dinner." and with that Mal gave him a jaunty half salute and headed out the door.

"Thanks Cap." he said to the mans back as he left. He lifted the pitcher and drained it in one pull and laid coin down for a tip. Any man that saw him leave could see he was on a mission.

"Yep my days of underestimatin' that man are definitely commin to a middle." Mal thought as he walked down the street.

Chapter Five

Inara sat next to River at the salon "How are you doing _mei mei_ ?" she asked as she handed her a glass of shimmer wine.

"Female beautification rituals are painful. Scraping fingers and toes. And hot wax, Hot Wax! All over even Down There Inara! Scrubbed and dried and teased. Many, many chemicals applied just to be removed again. She comprehends but she does not understand!". River pouted.

"Relax honey." Mr Anton said as he brought over another bottle of wine. "The hard part is over and we girls must suffer a little to be irresistible. So Miss Inara are you getting ready for Sir Warrick's Ball tomorrow?" He asked coyly.

"I didn't know th..' started Inara. "Oh you simply must go, it will be the event of the season. Dame Ruth talked my ears off for months about your _shuai_ Captain and how he felled that horrible Wing fellow defending your honor. Why I'd make him over for you on the house just to meet him. Just a sec I'll be right back." And Mr Anton was off in a swirl of chartreuse.

"She would very much like to dance, be pretty and dance. Dance with Jayne." River said almost pleading while touching her arm. Inara could almost see them dancing together in her mind.

"I don't know sweetheart. I'm not sure Mal would behave and we have not been invited.." Inara stammered.

"Good news darlings." Mr Anton said as he pranced back "There are invitations on their way here, now from Dame Ruth. Both you and your escorts Simply must attend. She insists. Oh by the way that horrible Wing fellow has not been invited. Do you have an escort Miss River?". He asked.

"I have someone in mind for her." Inara said quickly But I think both of our escorts could do with a little work and some formal attire."

"Honey you have them here in the morning." He laughed "in by nine out by five. I'll have them so handsome you will need to take pictures to show their Mamma's. You might have to claw a few eyes out to keep them." He said with a smile.

"Clawing eyes will work." River said calmly "But fractures of the third to fifth cervical vertebrate with resulting severance of the spinal column would be more efficient, produce less exsanguination and not damage a manicure. Yes only twenty two pounds per square inch will fracture bone sufficiently." Then she smiled into the shocked expressions of Mr. Anton and Inara in the mirror.

"My she is...charming." Mr Anton stuttered. "Oh you have no idea." Inara said softly.

Malcolm Reynolds walked down the street pondering to himself how he ended up on the _gorram_ love boat. "It used to be so simple. Do the job, get shot, shoot back and get paid. Now I got to deal with feminine wiles, way more dangerous than a bullet." he thought as he walked.

'Nara had done a hell of a job on the refit. Hell she was makin changes all the time. She always asked first but there was no way he could tell her no. He walked through the ship in his mind ticking off all she had done.

She replaced Jayne's weight bench with a much nicer model after Doc said they'd need physical therapy. Treadmills and bikes that didn't go nowhere with a screen to play a capture like you were moving. Mats to put down when they played hoopball or when 'tross an Jayne tried to kill each other.

Sick bay had just about anything you could think of. And Doc didn't hardly get to use any of it lately.

Kaylee just about had every thing her heart desired and getting more all the time.

Real food. And she took Simon off of cooking detail completely.

Moved the walls of the crew quarters to make four double rooms.

Each with a commode and sink and she got them a nice comfy bed Kaylee n Doc got one too.

Jayne kept the armory stocked. Mal didn't have half a clue what that man had stashed.

But the thing Mal liked the best was making the empty space at the front of the bridge into a crew lounge. You could sit there n look out in the black all comfortable like. Slept good too, that's a fact. Spent more n one night there when he had said the wrong thing to 'Nara.

"I gotta think of something ta show her what she means to me."He thought as he continued to walk.

Kaylee was radiant as she scoured through used parts bins and did a fine job all over the parts yard. "What about this one?" Simon said hopefully as he held his grimy prize."It says catalyzer on it right here.".

"Well it sure does don't it?"she smiled "That one's for a high drive or an old closed loop. Won't fit without an 'daptor or such. Here try to find one with a six way couple an th mountin has to have three tabs stead of two. Thems all catalyzer's right there in th next bin _bao bei._ Bet there's one in there." She was so proud of Simon. Fancy doctor rootin through parts bins to keep her girl in the air and It made her so happy.

A few seconds later she heard a muffled "I found one!" and looked over to see him so deep in the bin his feet were in the air. She reached over and pulled on the back of his belt to help him out of the bin. He held out the correct part and if anything it was even more filthy that the last one, but it was all in one piece so it should work fine. "Thats the last thing we needed Lets go settle the bill." she said.

A little over ten minutes later they were loading up the mule. Simon had kinda growled and said "That's too much coin." a couple a times. And got em the scary man discount just like Jayne did when he went shopping with the girls. "You did right good there, all types o intimidatin'. Jayne been givin you lessons?" she giggled. "Well darlin' I am all types o intimidatin'. Jes feel on them muscles girl." as he did his best impression of the big mercenary. When he flexed a bicep for her to feel she took full advantage and was impressed. "Les git back ta th boat an get ourselves clean fer dinner. Iffin ya hurry I just might even have time ta show ya my man parts." Simon chuckled and leered at her. She was shocked he could git inta character so well. But all she could do is smile up at him and say "Shiny."

"Mr. Cobb, How are you today sir?" asked the clerk at his favorite gunsmiths. "I just got in some ammo you ordered for that Callahan you got. I'm sorry but we don't have the rest of it in yet." the young man said. "Well that's not what I'm here for today. I'm looking for somthin special." and Jayne started looking in the display cases.

After a few moments he pulled up short in front of a pair of pistols.

Carbon fiber lowers, stainless steel slides with gold inlays of a woman fan dancer and flowers engraved in the metal. "Oh hell yeah. Those are sure special." he thought to himself.

"Consecutive numbers, matched pair lefty and a righty. We have the matching number suppressors available with those too. Just as quiet as a mouse fart, Only thing you hear is the brass when it hits the ground. And if thats a problem we also have brass catchers to fit those. Got eight thirty round mags and a custom presentation case. Might be a little small for you though." he said frankly.

"Twern't for me anyway it's for a lady o my acquaint-ance. I'll be wantin em with her name engraved on the slides. And I'm wantin em tomorrow. Her name is River. Put em on my account. I best get a discount fer all th bizness you been getting from me." He growled

"Yes sir Mr. Cobb you're one of our best customers. Anything else today." he asked hopefully.

Cobb was already ten feet away when he stopped. "This case right here. All of it engraved the same, except these two. They need to say Simon_Dong ma_?."

"I'll start on them sir. They'll be finished this evening. Would you like them delivered to your ship tomorrow sir?" he said

"That'll be fine, Have a nice evening." And the big man turned and left. After the tally Mr. Cobb spent three times more than the clerk did for his wife's engagement ring and the clerk paid quite a bit for it. "Somebody special indeed and a nice payday to boot" he smiled.

Chapter Six

Mal had been walking and thinking since he left Jayne at the bar.

When he looked around he found himself in an upscale retail area.

"Well I did wander a mite I guess." he thought. On one corner was a florist shop. He thought "Flowers die. Smell pretty but they die." But just across the street he saw a sign in the window and stopped. "A Diamond is Forever". "Well it won't die. I could take a look, wouldn't hurt." he thought and crossed the street.

"Lamby toes I got a secret." Wash sing songed as he snuggled Zoe's neck. "Oh yeah me too. You first." She mocked back with a smile.

"Remember after we landed I told you about River saying I was all bright and loud?".

"Yes husband was she talking about your shirt?" she teased.

"Well no. The reason she can land the ship blindfolded is when I'm flying she can see through my eyes, I'm thinking thats the bright part. And the loud is what she hears from me. Told me if I think really hard she can hear it. But here's the really weird part She can make me hear what she's thinking. I swear, hand to God baby. Kinda freaked me out. Told me I could only tell you." Wash said shaking his head."What's your secret?".

"I know why you're sick in the mornings, morning sickness."she laughed.

"Shummu?" he said with his voice breaking."I'm pregnant, Why that's not possible. I've been so careful. I don't mind you wearing the pants warrior woman, but I ain't birthing no babies. No. Besides all the guys would make fun of me!" he said almost manically.

"Not you silly man. Me."

"Wha-wha-wha-what?" he stuttered. "But how? Not that I'm not happy I'm giddy overjoyed even.." her finger to his lips silenced him.

"Pregnant, 3 months. Doc missed an outdated contraception pack. Wanna hear the rest of it? Inara and Kaylee both got a dose from the same batch. Don't know if they dodged the bullet or not yet but. You're gonna be a daddy." His autumn flower sing songed.

"Wow, so that's what she meant." He said with amazement.

"What who meant?" she asked.

"River before we landed. Said we were getting more crew. And told me to buy more dinosaurs because I'd have to share.".

Zoe just laughed and thought "I'm need to have a talk with that girl."

Inara and River left the salon and caught a transit at the tube station for across town. A few stops later they reached their destination. "Good afternoon I'm Inara Sera. I know I don't have an appointment but.."and got no further.

"Inara darling how have you been". Came a voice attached to a woman who looked like a force of nature. Flame red hair and so tall she beat Jayne for height.

"Legs that go all the way up." River whispered in Inara's ear sounding eerily like Jayne Cobb. "Sssh" Inara responded quickly.

"Camile Deveraoux You look wonderful. My niece and I are attending a ball tomorrow and only just arrived today. I know there's no time for custom work but I know you simply must have something wonderful already prepared." schmoozed Inara.

"Oh Yes!" River chimed in in her best core girl accent. "Inara has told me all about you. I've heard you are an absolute genius.".

Camile took the compliment like a fish takes a baited hook And River could see she had hooked a big one. "I do believe I have just the thing for you both. Please come back to one of our private fitting rooms." and she spun on her kiss me pumps and undulated towards the back.

"Took the bait like a hungry fish, zzzz,zzzz." River said while making motions like she was playing out a fishing line. "She will reel it in but we must be cautious. It might eat the fishermen.".

"Yes dear she always was a bit of a man eater." Inara laughed quietly.

The gowns were the easy part. But when River heard "fall collection" in the womans head she pounced. Very soon they were even further into the building.

Inara just smiled and let River do the talking. The possibility of her line being seen on Sihnon and Londinium had Camile positively salivating. Assistants scurried left and right It wasn't long before River started to become overwhelmed by the strange womans emotions.

River took hold of Inara's hand and thought "Help. Get rid of her for a minute.". Inara said "Perhaps something a little different, and I could certainly use a nice glass of shimmer wine, Dear would you like some too?" looking at River. "Please." she managed to get out.

"Oh I'm so sorry where are my manners, I just get so carried away sometimes." and Camile made flighty gestures with her hands. "I'll be back momentarily."and then she fluttered away.

As soon as she was gone Inara saw relief flow over River. Before she could speak River's voice was in her head. "She can't explain but she can let you hear her. See what she wants you to see. Not hard, not really but only with ones she knows. Shared information."

"Things you want her to see and hear. Secrets are all safe. Always safe. Physical contact makes it easier, stronger. Why she won't let the strangers touch her. Don't want it to get on her."

Inara looked a little shocked but thought "So you hear this? Am I..".

"Yes and not too loud, just right. Please hold my hand. She can't make the others quiet. Not like on the ship, not like in the black. The red woman thinks too many thoughts at once for me. A lot of ugly, not nice. Not like family. Think good answers. Answer my questions. The woman is coming back.".

Inara holds her hand and preforms a calming exercise used as a trainee. She feels River relax which works like positive feedback just making Inara even more relaxed. By the time the wine is poured River is back in control. As quickly as she can River wraps up their business. Credits are exchanged and they make a hasty retreat. "Please take me home." River pleads.

Inara sees the exhaustion in her eyes, flags a ground taxi and takes the tired girl home to Serenity.


	3. Chapter 3

Striking The Balance 7 - 8

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died.

Chapter 7

The sales manager looked over the top of his glasses at the ahem "gentleman" entering the store. Let's see, he thought. Natty brown duster, obvious gun belt and an overall aura of rim born heritage. Yes this one could be trouble. He kept his hand near the alarm button. "And how may I be of service to you sir." He said in his most haughty Londinium accent.

"Contemplatin' on makin a purchase o some jewelry for a mite fine lady." Mal replied looking around casually.

"Of course sir, and if your contemplation bears fruit what means will you use to complete the transaction today?" the nervous man asked.

"Are you askin how I'll be payin for these shiny doodads." said Mal as he narrowed his eyes a little and frowned at the man.

"Precisely sir." said the man behind the counter.

"Why with this sir." and flipped back his coat right handed exposing his pistol. Without missing a beat he took his pouch of coin from his pocket and tossed it on the display case where it landed with a substantial thud. "But I'd prefer to use this instead." and just as quick produced a credit chip Inara had given him for _Captain's expenses _ When shehad filed Incorporation papers at the core.

"I apologize sir we do get some of the lower element on occasion who wish to purchase in coin as opposed to using proper credits. May I scan your chip to verify your identity,sir." He said just as haughtily but not as condescendingly. "And may I inquire Your name sir?"

"Malcolm Reynolds"

The managers expression changed noticeably after looking at the chip reader's screen. He actually smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you sir. My name is Reginald Williamson I'm part owner here at Williamson Brothers Jewelry." He purred.

"Well right nice makin your acquaint-ance. You wanna tell me why you're bein so nice to me all a sudden? Mal said in his captainy voice.

"Why sir You're an Iridium account holder at Barclay's bank in New London, Londinium. CEO of Reynolds Shipping LLC and a partner in Sera Inter Planet Express. Not to mention at least six other corporations Traded on the Alliance stock exchange. I myself own shares in Cobb Public Relations Corp. in my retirement fund. Please forgive my rudeness earlier sir. If I had your where with all I'd travel incognito also. I'm sure you would be more comfortable in our private gallery. Please allow me to assist you Sir."

"Well sure Reggie we can deal, Mind if I take a peek at my balance first?" asked Mal and when he looked he thought, "'Nara you got some explainin' ta do."

Just about that time Inara was trying to explain to River about accessories making the outfit. But the little genius just countered every point she tried to make.

The basic outfit was really a good look for the young woman. She looked sexy in the matching black leather spike heeled boots, miniskirt and bolero jacket. The black silk bra was studded in rhinestones under the open jacket. It had only taken her two passes across the shuttle to master the heels. A dancers grace, thought Inara.

"Thank you she loves to dance. And they do to go with the outfit. End of discussion. She's just following Captains orders. We must leave now or be late for dinner. Maximum stimulus must be applied for copulation to occur to insure proper bonding actions."

"She knows what the Bear's response will be and he will say it aloud, in front of witnesses. All will know, his secret cannot be hidden."

Then River looked Inara directly in the eye and said in a Jayne like growl " River. _Gorramit_ girl you look lika a walkin wet dream.".

Inara threw up her hands and finally said, "Ok. _Mei mei _you win. I give up. But it is sometimes better to be fashionably late, It builds anticipation and lends itself for a grand entrance." and they headed off the ship and into town.

Mal looked at Jayne and took a drink of his beer and mumbled "Why are women always late for everything? I'm getting hungry already.".

"Well that ain't a problem Mal." said Jayne with a most unnerving smile. "Miss there will be eight of us all together, We'll just take this big booth. Please bring one of everthin on th appe-tizer menu and a couple more pitchers of this right fine brew. An you keep comin with the beer. We'll order dinner when our crew gits here." and he dropped a couple o coins right into her cleavage jes so she'd remember ta do it. "There ya go Mal, problem solved.".

"Jayne, Sometimes I think I'm underestimatin you. And truth told I only ever seen you smile like that when you was fixin to carve up some _hundan, _must admit it's a mite unnerving.".

Jayne replied "When you're happy ya gotta show it Mal." and he headed for the booth.

Most of the others arrived within the next few minutes but Mal was getting edgy. Only Inara and River were missing. But just as he was gonna comm em, Inara came through the door.

"Sorry I'm late River was being difficult. She'll be right here" and with that she sat down next to Mal.

"You look lovely tonight, darlin'," Mal whispered into her ear.

Just as she was going to thank him River entered the restaurant and the place went dead quiet. And everyone heard Jayne say.

"River. _Gorramit_ girl you look lika a walkin wet dream."

As she worked the heels and skirt to the booth, women gave her dirty looks and men moved out of her way. She had at least two pistols showing and half a dozen knives, but Jayne knew she had more that she weren't showin'. He stood when she walked up to the table.

She put her hand on Jayne's chest looked up at him through long dark lashes and said "Who do I gotta shoot to get a drink around here?" A line Jayne had used more than a few times.

Jayne let her slide into the booth and sat next to her.

"No shootin tonight albatross" said Mal.

Simon looked at her and asked "Expecting trouble tonight?".

Then River started to try to explain, "Attraction combined with aversion. Pretty and deadly."

Jayne just stared into her eyes and said "Yep pretty deadly and pretty shiny too." and was rewarded with a blush from the little assassin. They just sat there looking at each other without a word said between them.

Kaylee was the first to speak up. "Ok, place yer bets how long till they snap outta it a start talkin again? I got less than ten minutes."

Simon piped up "Twenty."

Mal said "half hour at most.".

Zoe guessed "Hours.".

Wash shook his head at Zoe "Days.".

But when Inara said "They might not ever speak to each other again.". Everyone but River and Jayne stared at her.

'I'll tell you later Mal." Inara said. "Yeah we can talk later." Mal said and then he kissed her

Chapter Eight

Cuddled up together in the bridge lounge Mal pulled Inara closer. Looking at the stars he tried to digest all the news of the day. A baby on his boat. He never woulda seen that commin before but nowadays he could almost picture it. And he'd never forget how Wash told the whole story. Poor Zoe gonna have to raise two kids now.

Fancy dress shindig. He hoped it'd be better than last time least ways less stabbing and more party. He was a mite worried about the whole Mr. Anton thing though.

River's new talent well he just weren't gonna dwell on that right now. Her and Jayne were each others problem. And he had to credit Simon after he saw how they looked at each other. After a few more drinks he told Kaylee how gorram shiny it was. And how Doc could imitate Jayne had Wash busting up so bad he was on the floor for a while

And even after an hour of 'Nara explainin Mal couldn't figure out where all the money came from, other than it was all legal like and

Was secured five ways from Sunday from the Alliance.

"'Nara since we got all this coin. How we gonna keep this crew on our boat?".

"Mal that's the point It's our boat. If you haven't noticed it yet they're not our crew. We're a family. Which of us wants to be anywhere else? But we will need to tell them sooner or later.".

"Darlin' I'm thinkin sooner better than later. And while I'm at it all of us are goin to that fancy party. Or not a one of us. I'll take Wash and Simon with us in the morning too. You hear that?" he asked.

"Yep sure do. I'm getting soundproofing installed day after tomorrow If that's all right with you Captain.".

"Be for the best. Sounds like a cross tween a cat in heat. Somebody beatin up bagpipes and a clogged septic vac to me."

"Oh Mal you're so romantic, It sounds like love to me.".

"And another thing woman. I not sure I'm happy with the position you hold on our boat.".

"Shummu? I thought I was doing a good job!". And started to give him the look.

"Wait a minute darlin' first, I'm already on the couch and second I meant a promotion.". And held out a small red velvet covered box.

When she looked inside at the diamond and ruby ring all she could do was nod. It got loud in the lounge for a while but nobody else noticed.

Later he looked at her and whispered "I guess I really am the Captain of the gorram love boat.". And she whispered back "And I Love My Captain.".

River lay on top of Jayne. They hadn't been silent all night but they didn't speak a word aloud either. Both were sated, for now.

Knowing where to move and where to touch. River compared it to a ballet or a symphony. Jayne was a little cruder an jes thought it was the best sexin he'd ever had. No not just sexin they made love. And that was somethin totally new.

They stayed that way until sleep overtook them And when they dreamed they dreamed together

Simon look at Kaylee with his serious I'm a Doctor look, and asked,

" Kaylee would you.. um ah..".

She looked at him and said, "Go on.",

"Kaylee would you teach me how to spit?"

She laughed so hard she thought she was gonna pee. after a bit she said "Oh Simon you had me goin I thought ya was gonna ask me ta marry ya an all.".

"Well not until I can meet your parents, And ask you Father's permission. How far away are they? It's only proper..".

"Simon Tam how many time I gotta tell you about bein proper. You knowed th answer is yes.". Her kisses ended the discussion.

"Zoe what ya thinking?" Wash asked in the dark.

"I'm thinking we are not going to name our child after some dinosaur! No Theodore Rex, Allie or Al a sarus and not tri Sara tops. Don't get me started on all of the ones with weird names. Not gonna happen Husband.".

"Lamby toes, after the baby comes. Will I still be your baby too?".

"Of course you will husband, you know I'm looking forward to your second childhood.".

"Really sweetie?".

"Uh huh, it'll mean you finally grew out of your first one.". She laughed.

"That was just mean, hey wait...what are you doing..Stop, no uh don't ..Uh please keep going..".

_Authors note: All the dark brooding violence is impending. Fluffy plot bunnies have taken me hostage. They've over run my armory._

_And threatened to shoot me. Bullet to the brain pan squish If I don't tell their story. 8 chapters in 3 days Chocolate covered espresso beans and Mountain Dew. Can't sleep the bunnies will eat me. Reaver bunnies, wait that gives me an idea. No must resist fluffy reaver bunny stories_

_So this is what going insane feels like. So we got old friends and new friends and hands of blue friends coming, And reavers, tuskers and snake oil hucksters._

_Thanks for all the great feedback More coming soon. Don't touch that dial!_


	4. Chapter 4

Striking The Balance

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died. **Warning! Bad language!**

Chapter Nine

At nine the men from Serenity's crew were standing in front of a place called Mr. Antons.

Mal looked at them and said. "Not a one of us wants to do this but there just isn't another option. Let's go ." And the sullen men entered the salon.

A very pretty blond assured them there were no women clients scheduled for today and that it was a rare event when that happened.

A short plump man in a caftan greeted them and asked them to check their firearms. Jayne of course taking the longest. The blond swept them up and left the room along with the man.

Jayne looked over to Simon and asked,"What ruttin hell color was the tent that sly hundan was wearin Doc?".

"Magenta." Simon said sullenly.

"Should I be askin just how you know that , Doc?" As Mal laughed at the mans discomfort.

But Wash answered first " That would be a reference to the classics I believe it might even be a cult thing Mal.".

All conversation ended though when a voice that could melt hull plating came from the back of he salon, " All right ladies I don't have all FUCKING DAY, Get to work!".

Inara thanked Dame Ruth over the cortex screen for being so understanding and the matron replied "Darlin it weren't nothing. Family is always welcome, but have you even read tha invite hon?".

Inara looked and softly said "oh my.".

Ruth laughed a genuine chuckle, "Don't be tellin everybody everything ya know, 'Nara. I'll send a limo round ta collect ya this evenin. Congratulations.".

Inara thanked her and cut the wave. This should be interesting she thought, and left her office for the cargo bay. And could hear the womens laughter, a voice that said "T ain't waxin my man parts, Mal." that could only be Jayne and a squeal like a little girl that had to be Wash.

"Hurry up 'Nara yer missin all the fun!". Kaylee gushed. "Saved ya

a seat.". And turned back to watch the screen by the treadmills.

"So I see Lorelei patched you into the security feeds. Let's see how our brave men handle this situation." Inara laughed as she sat down next to the happy little mechanic.

"I'm recording this for posterity. As beautification rituals are quite painful and we will never be able to get them to do this again. Also it's very funny and we can use the capture for blackmail purposes.

I will make multiple copies later." River said calmly looking over her shoulder from where she sat on the floor.

"River.." Kaylee blurted, thinking she sounded different..she sounded ..".

"Better" Said River. "I, ME, MINE" she said like Jayne. "She borrows from the strong to reinforce the weak, And I feel..".

"WONDERFUL" came out in all their minds. And River jumped off the floor and started dancing to music that flowed everywhere.

"Shiny, where's th music coming from?". Kaylee asked looking around.

"River" Inara and Zoe said at the same time then looked at each other strangely.

"**So you thought I was some twinkle toed little cocksucker did ya**" the voice from hell shouted.

"Oh This can't be happening that man is dead sure as the world is turnin." mumbled Mal.

A barrel chested man in a freshly starched well worn khaki uniform walked through the curtain in back.

"Master Sargent Antonnelli." Mal said standing up straighter out of habit.

"Sargent Reynolds, you know me so this is for the rest of you apes." the former drill instructor said

"**I'm here today, to make you into proper looking gentlemen. You WILL obey any order given to you by my staff as if it was the word of God Almighty. For today ladies as far as you're concerned I'm God Fucking Almighty."**

"**If you do not I will rip off your head and shit down your neck.**

**You!" he said as he pointed to Jayne. "Strip!".**

The big man looked at Mal. Just then a massive punch landed on Jayne's chest knocking him down and all the breath out of his lungs.

"**Don't look at him, today he's just another dumb fucking grunt. You Will follow MY order, and all I want to hear out of that hole under your noses is "Yes Sir" All fucking day . You get me!?" He glowered**

There was a raggedy chorus of "Yes Sir's." from the men.

"**Fucking pathetic try again!".**

A clear firm "Yes Sir!". Rang out

"**A little better. You two!" he pointed to Wash and Jayne. " The fur's got to go! Wax em." The old DI whistled once.**

Two very large Chinese women entered from the rear curtain.

"T ain't waxin my man parts, Mal." Jayne growled.

Wash just screamed like a little girl.

Inara stood up and looked at the others. "This is fun but Ladies, there are things to be done to prepare for this evening." and blanked the monitor.

A knock came from the airlock. "It's Badger but he's alone. I can handle this." River said as a silver butterfly knife appeared in her hand, rapidly flicked open and closed then disappeared like magic.

Zoe though again how thankful she was for River and was happy that she seemed almost normal. River smiled and kissed the top of her head as she passed the sitting woman.

"Wot's all this then! Who's makon all the bleeding racket!" River said as opened the door, using her Dyton accent.

"Ello Luv, lookin even mor luvely than last we met."Badger smiled and took off his bowler as he entered.

"Best not be lettin' me husband 'ear ya sayin that. Like as not e'd rip ya balls off n stuff em up ya ass with a o't poker." She did the magic with her knife. Smiled and said "If o course, I let ya be keepin' e'm in the first place.". And did her magic again. She liked playing the tough rim chick.

"No offense meant Missus." And gave her a half bow.

"What warrants the visit, Mr Badger." asked Inara.

Badger looked at her. She'd changed a bit since takin' up with Reynolds. Oh still refined but she looked right fine dressed in cargo pants and shirt and vest.

"Ma'am O've 'eard a little talk bout a plan to even some scores at Sir Warrick's party And I just wanted to warn you." nodded Badger.

"Wing, wants another duel with the Captain." River sent to Inara.

"I assume you mean Atherton Wing, Mr. Badger." Inara said calmly.

"Why yes ma'am that's exactly the bloke. Means to be pickin a fight. a've you e'rd something, or are you readin me mind mum?".

Badger smiled nervously and played with the brim of his hat.

"No to both. Atherton never was very smart. It was expected sooner or later." she laughed "What were you looking for, for this information.".Inara asked.

"Mum ya wound me, ya do. I comes round open 'and in friendship.

Seen o'w friends of you prosper nice. The Cap'n n oi've 'ad our little roundy round. But I sees o'w you run this boat. Just want to get along friendly like.". He said as polietly as he knew how.

"The Captain still runs this boat. I just apply..direction and motivation occasionally.". She smiled. And the girls all laughed softly.

"Not for women man'd still be livin in the caves and peein' on trees Mum.". He laughed

"Not for women wouldn't be no man, not a'tall.' River said.

"Too right Missus, too right,". He nodded.

"Means what he says Inara." Inara heard in her head.

"Well Mr Badger I don't see why we couldn't do business together, as long as the captain won't be getting shot." Inara said openly.

"Mum me given name is William. Be pleased to have you usin it.

Respectable businessman, thats wot my director and motivator been pushin me to o late." He said brightly.

"William I'll wave you soon. We like dealing with respectable businessmen.".And she shook his hand firmly.

"'ave a good time at the party. Thank you very kindly mum.". Bowed to the ladies, and River let him out.

Chapter Ten

Lorelei loved to see her man in his element. Oh sure there was yelling and not a few wax induced screams but he just looked so happy. And he had that bunch squared away in jig time besides. He was in for a hell of an evening, he just didn't know it yet.

"Well I'm right proud of you boys you weren't as big a bunch of pussies as I thought. Get on over and pick up your gear for tonight."."Here's the address, It was good seeing you Sgt. Reynolds you and that woman of yours come visit sometime.". The old Drill Instructor said with a real smile and turned and strolled to his office with his hands held together behind his back, inspecting the staff as he went.

"Women do this? Regular? On purpose?." wondered Wash aloud.

"What are you scowlin for Jayne? You got ta keep your face hair.". Mal asked.

"T'wernt my face hair I was worried bout. And that there is the scariest man I ever met". He said as they went out the door.

Simon asked, "So what do you think is worse. Waxed or Shot?".

They debated that question in detail for a good long bit as they walked.

After receiving a few deliveries Inara declared It was time to go. They locked down the ship and they all went to get Kaylee and Zoe outfitted for the Ball.

"Aw Mal what we doin in this place?". Jayne whined. "Crime? Been a while".he asked much quieter as a grin started on his face.

"Just be needin to pick up something won't be long." Mal said as he held the door for the others to enter.

"Mr. Reynolds Glad to have you back Sir." Mr. Williamson said politely.

"Wanna do some dealin Reggie?'. Mal asked.

"I'd be delighted to, Sir. Please come back to our private room." and he led the way.

Simon looked at Mal and Mal said "Boy theres some things I need to fill you in on. Come on." They all followed him into a very plush room.

Kaylee twirled around in front of the mirrors. The look on her face was contagious. "Do you think Simon will like it? It's so ..Pretty!" she said.

Inara thought it was perfect and The shade of yellow was just right for the girls disposition. "It's perfect for you sweetheart and Simon will love you in it.".

"And He'll love me right out of it too!" Kaylee laughed with a little snort. "But it's so expensive 'Nara..".

"Girls theres a little something I need to talk with you about.".Inara said with a little smile

The four men looked at each other. Expensive cigars and fine sippin whiskey in hand. As Mal continued explain as best he could.

"Tam PharmaCorp, Washburne Aerospace, Cobb Public Relations Corp and Reynolds Shipping LLC" Mal finished the list.

Inara listed them, "Frye Advanced Engineering, Washburne Armor Systems, The Tam Learning Center and Sera Inter Planet Express."

Jayne glass in hand, talking around a mite fine cigar, asked "How much money Mal?"".

"Enough I'm thinkin." Mal said sippin his glass of whiskey.

Kaylee said. "Why would any of us ever want to leave Serenity? We're Family! Sides it's th first time I ever had sisters.".

"That's exactly what I told Mal last night. Oh by the way, look." and Inara held out her hand.

Zoe asked," Is that..".

"A token to signify desire for a permanent bond and the wish to procreate." River projected.

"It's huge and so shiny." Kaylee giggled.

Chapter Eleven

The crew were gathered around the ships dining room table having a light snack before getting ready for their evening affair.

"So I take it everybody's stayin with the ship?" Mal asked hopefully.

The crew let him know they were all staying. So he continued, "Still be workin and sailin the black. Takin jobs and such, all still got a job to do. We'll help them as needs it but still got to earn decent coin." He looked around the table.

"Look around this table. These are the people who will always help you. It's not just capt'n n crew. This is family. Oh I'm still Captain but we got to look to each other together. That means working together to make all of us safe and happy. I want you to know I'll be wantin your thoughts from time to time." Mal finished believing in something again for the first time since the war.

Inara knew in her heart she had made the right choice staying after Miranda.

"I love MY captain" she whispered to him. And Mal kissed her.

The men of Serenity were ready first and kind of paced around the galley.

Simon went around and helped tie the other three men's bow ties. And Mal had to admit that they cleaned up pretty good.

Jayne said "Mal I don't feel right comfortable walkin in there unarmed, ain't natural."

Inara said,"Jayne," As she walked into the room in a Ruby red slinky gown. "That's not a problem. The invitation states no open carry. So discrete concealed weapons are acceptable. You can't take Vera but one of your other girls would be fine.". "Mal, We might have a problem with Atherton Wing tonight..." Inara tried to finish.

"'Nara I'd rather shoot that man than try sticking him again with a sword. And I promise not to start trouble. But if he does, I will end him. Are the rest almost ready darlin?". Mal asked her.

"Almost." Inara nodded and she went back to their cabin to speed them along.

"Well that give us a few minutes, Jayne, please fetch a few sidearms for the rest of us from the armory. Gentlemen. Get your surprises and get back here quick as you can. That's an order." Mal smiled. Might be his kind of party after all..

There were six small matching stainless pistols on the table when Mal returned. The other men came in from different directions with Jayne being the last but holding the biggest box.

Moments later Inara and River entered the room. River's dress almost identical to Inara's but a rich emerald silk with matching gloves. Slinky, cut low and slit high and no back at all. Jayne's thoughts rolled over her in waves.

Kaylee and Zoe followed. Kaylee in a deep yellow layer cake like the captain had gotten her for the last party here. And Zoe strapless and gloved in black velvet. River heard every man there think his was the most beautiful.

"Ladies. We decided to do a little shopping today.". Mal said with a smile.

And gifts were presented. Inara hers was a diamond and ruby necklace that probably cost Mal as much as the ship.

Pearls for Zoe.

A Diamond choker and a gold bracelet with little charms of tools and a small firefly ship for Kaylee.

But the emerald necklace River got made the women all gasp. There was a stone on it at least an inch across. And before she could say a word Jayne had opened th box with her engraved dancing girls in it.

She looked at him and practically shrieked, "A token to signify desire for a permanent bond and the wish to procreate?"

"Yeah baby girl thats exactly what it is.". Jayne smiled

"Wear them for me tonight. I had a hard time finding appropriate space for adequate weapons concealment in this outfit. She asked excitedly.

"Already planned on it." as he showed here the empty double rig he had on under his tuxedo jacket.

"Wait I almost forgot." Simon rushed to the cooler.

"Oh Simon flowers too!". Kaylee squealed. "I gotta get a capture of this.". And pulled her little camera out of her purse. After corsages and boutineers were pinned on she got her group capture and a couple of each pair while she was at it.

Mal finally said "Ok time to go.". And they locked down the ship and were taken to the ball in Sir Warrick's private hover limo.

_**Love all the great comments**_

_Well people, The party will take a couple of chapters With twists O plenty._

_Will it be Mal's type of party?_

_What other secrets 'Nara got some 'splainin to do about?_

_Will Atherton get his wings? And if so by who? Who gets the first kill?_

_Who's gonna be at the party? **Suggestions?**_

_Who ate my last krispy kreme doughnut?_

_Where is that funny smell coming from?_

_Why is my butt asleep and will it snore?_

_Some of these answers coming up soon_

_My spell checker has been firefly'd. _

_Reckon mah Pa was a mite sur-prized with mah stunnin grasp of th english language n mah last e mail. I jez talked like Jayne to him on th phone an all._

_Bet he's still scratchin his head a mite._


	5. Chapter 5

Striking The Balance

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died.

_Authors Note: Musical cues Astor Piazzola - Tango (Perfume de Mulher) Used in Scent of a Woman , True Lies and Mr. & Mrs. Smith. And a Classic from Earth that was. _

Chapter Twelve

The hover limo was a very well appointed model it had all the luxuries Simon and River were used to growing up on Osiris. Until his time on Serenity Simon would have taken it for granted. But looking at Kaylee with her hair all swept up and flush with excitement, he pointed out all the little things he knew she would be interested in. "And this is the music library..".

"Shiny, Simon play some music.". Kaylee beamed at him. He paged through the screen looking for something to play when River asked. "Is it on there?".

Simon nodded and hit the play button. The car filled with an very old upbeat earth that was song. River bounced up and down and sang next to Jayne and he watched her intently.

Wash looked at Simon and River and laughed "I know this one".

The three of them looked at the confused expressions of the others and said "Virgins." at the same time and laughed uncontrollably.

"Must play this at the party Simon." River said, and Simon nodded to her.

The vehicle stopped in front of the door of the Harrow estate before anyone could ask about the cryptic remarks.

Simon quickly said. "You've arrived on a rather special night it's one of the masters affairs.". Wash countered with."Oh lucky him.". "You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, We're all Lucky. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.". River finished wildly.

Mal, Inara, Kaylee, Zoe and Jayne looked at the other three suspiciously.

Mal didn't know what was going on but the door opened so he got out of the limo.

Dame Ruth was outside to meet them. An attractive older woman but not all plastic. The type who ate what she wanted and enjoyed life in general.

"Capt'n Reynolds, 'Nara. This must be the rest of the family. Pleased to meet y'all.". She said. And they all liked her immediately.

"Come on in. we got the fancy stuff a going on downstairs in the ballroom. Food, dancing and such. If it gets too stuffy go on upstairs to the conservatory on the third floor,not as fancy and such. Probably more fun too. Come on lets get y'all announced.". She told them as they entered the house.

Each couple was introduced with their name and as CEO of the holding that Inara had incorporated for them with Mal and Inara being last. They all thought it was most impressive.

Conversations stopped as they entered. Kaylee saw some faces that were familiar. And folks were lining up to bow and such. She looked at Simon and said "Let's go stake us out a table so's we can all sit together.". He saw the place cards and said "I'm sure there is a table reserved let's go find it bao bei.".

Sir Warrick Harrow approached Mal and Inara. He bowed to the Captain and kissed Inara's gloved hand. "Malcolm, Inara I'm so happy you could attend this evening.". He said with a smile. "A word of advice my friends." "You've helped a few people in this room make quite a bit of money." . He looked around and continued a little lower. " You don't want to talk business

or politics with this crowd.". "Let me introduce you to my true friends down here first, then we can go have some fun.". And he winked.

Mal told him "We would be honored.". And followed the man with Inara on his arm.

Zoe and Wash caught up with Kaylee and Simon. The little mechanic had stolen all their place cards from the other tables and "reserved" their own table. Simon smiled at her boldness and was a willing partner in crime.

"Why'd they sit us all over the place Simon?". She asked. "They spread the really rich and interesting people out so less rich and interesting people can meet them.". Simon explained remembering parties growing up.

"So they wanted us to meet rich folks huh?.". Kaylee frowned.

"No bao bei, there's more money at this table than the rest of the room. I looked at the books this afternoon. They want to meet us.". Simon smiled.

A little later when one of the stuck up girls that embarrassed her at the other party asked if she remembered her Kaylee said "Yes, Get winked out of your dress lately?". And they all laughed when she ran off all red faced.

River was clutching Jayne's arm trembling and projected, _"Touch me touch my skin, too much noise. Dance, dance with me?"._ And he guided her to the dance floor.

Jayne weren't no real good dancer but he knew he'd do anything ta please his little killer woman. After a while he could feel how happy she getting. Kinda like last night. It just bubbled up on his insides. "Wish I was a better dancer for ya Baby Girl.". He said into her ear.

She looked up at him with soft eyes and sent. _"Want to learn?"._

"Sure Baby Girl, show me how." and their eyes locked together. Soon they were gliding all over the dance floor ignoring everyone. Never bumping another couple or missing a step. Soon others began to notice the lovers.

"Husband? Did you know Jayne could dance?."

"Lamby Toes that's not Jayne dancing. That's River landing the ship blindfolded but in reverse.". Wash said sipping his wine and smiling.

When the Tango started a few minutes later They were the only ones still on the dance floor. River whispered "Close your eyes I want to show you something.".

He shut his eyes an saw them as the rest of the room did. Movin with grace

but there was a power to it too. Their feet was fluttering through the fancy steps. And as they broke away from each other and came back together with her slidin up and down him. Yep it looked like pure sex. _"You keep slidin all over my John Thomas we're gonna hafta find us a door with a lock on it." He thought at her._

"_I'll help you find it bao bei." _popped into his head as he held her in a long slow dip at the end of the song and kissed her with all he had inside.

They never even heard the applause at the end when Jayne picked her up and carried her out of the room.

Inara clearly heard Mal softly say "Jayne I am through underestimating ya."

Kaylee looked at Simon and asked. "Sweetie what did we just see there?".

Wash answered her first and explained his theory of landing the ship in reverse.

Simon finally commented. "If they can dance like that with their eyes closed. Can you even imagine how well they could fight together as a team. Why I could be out of a job.".

It was only quiet a moment till Kaylee whispered huskily. "Sweetie I can think of a couple o jobs for ya right now.". And they left not long after that to discuss it in private somewhere.

"Husband I think we don't ever have to worry about a safe place to raise our babies with those two around.". Zoe purred in his ear.

"Lamby Toes I tend to agree with you and the Doc. Wait did you say babies like more than one?". Zoe kissed him just so he'd stop talking.

As soon as the door locked Jayne was all over her with his mouth and hands. His rough hands snagging on the fine silk. _Wait _he heard. He'd never seen a woman get outta dress that fast. Gorramit he wanted to taste her.

Another second and even her tiny green panties were gone. He swore he heard em hit th floor. _Wet _he heard even louder. When he heard _NOW! _He was already in motion. He ran his tongue all over her neck and breasts givin each little pink budded nipple a little goin over with the edge of his teeth.

All the pleasure building escaped her lips and her moan grew louder. He lifted her to the counter top and knelt to taste her. Damn she tasted, fresh and so wet. Quickly he teased an even louder longer vibrating moan out of her as she began to shudder and buck up against him.

River let out a shriek so loud he was sure they heard her all the back to the ballroom. Jayne kept his mouth stuck to her hard and rode it out till she stopped bucking and quiverin. Slow like he eased off and suddenly just blew hard across her swollen nub then tweaked it gentle with his teeth.

"JAAYYNNEEEEE!!!! AHHH!!! NOW ah ah ah NOW ah ah ah NOWWW!!!!" River screamed even louder. She went limp and he held her with one arm as he tried free up his pants with the other.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and he entered her. "Gonna be quick baby girl." he groaned thorough clenched teeth. _Fast, Hard, NOWWW! g_rowled all inside him. She put her ankles over his shoulders as he grabbed her hips. For the next few minutes all you could hear were loud growls, moans and the rhythmic sound of two bodies coming together hard.

"Soon" he grunted. And cupped her breasts and rolled her nipples between his thumbs and fingers. He moved harder and faster till they exploded and didn't stop till his John Thomas quit twitchin. She was limp as a wet rag and his knees were about to buckle as he moved his hands to the counter top to support himself. And lowered his face to hers. She attacked his lips tasting herself on them. He thought how sexifin she look'd in them gloves, garter belt, stockings and heels. But the Knives she was wearin in em just put him over the edge, Yep pretty deadly he thought. "_Wore them for My Jayne.". Sang in his head._

A few minutes later they left the bathroom. A matron in the hall gave them a dirty look and thought. _"Newlyweds.". _They looked at her and both growled low from deep in their chests. Her eyes went round in fright and she ran into the bathroom, when they heard the door lock the pair laughed like a couple of little kids.

Mal and Inara finally made it to the table and sat with Zoe and Wash.

"Did ya see Jayne and our Little Albatross dancing?". Mal asked.

Zoe and Wash both nodded smiling.

"aiiieeee!"

"Am I hearing what I think I'm hearing?" Mal lifted his chin and pointed an ear toward the door.

Zoe and Inara just smiled. Wash said "Do you think they have cats?".

"jaayynneeeee!!!! ahhh!!! now u u u now u u u nowww!!!!".

"That sounds almost musical in a tortured kinda way." Zoe laughed.

"UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah UnchPah"

Came from the wall not far away from them.

The noise sped up and ended with a loud hissing groan like red hot metal cooling fast when quenched.

Wash said "I think we should tell Sir Warrick his septic vac is clogged.".

Mal looked at Inara but she was looking at the carpet and the drapes intently.

"Oh my! What is that scary noise!". Kaylee said in a breathy falsetto voice. "Could it be my rescue?". She continued.

"Nah girley I pirated ya offa that boat fair an proper. What you hear is ma cunning di-version. Be no rescue fer you." Simon growled.

"But Doctor Nightshade, you wouldn't take my virtue!". She squealed.

"Aim ta make ya shiver in antici-pation a bit first. You'll be givin it up free and clear fore I git done with ya." and Simon commenced to getting her shivering.

"Oh! Doc Nightshade! No!". She squeaked. She ran out of word shortly after that, but she made up for it with squeaks and moans.

Simon loved the the way she squeaked when she came. Shore did.

River and Jayne reentered the party and instantly were swamped with bows. When the first dandy tried to kiss Rivers hand Jayne growled and said "Stop right there.". River did her magic knife trick and poked the tip into the front of the prissy man's pants. " Husband can I ave n other pair for my collection?". River said in a flawless Dyton colony accent, while fixing the man with a feral glare.

Jayne looked at her an he was getting kinda excitable like again. She smiled at Jayne and said "Please luv?".

Jayne did his best to sound upper crust and said. "Darling the man is scared. By now they have retracted so deep you would have to dig them out.

That would make a horrible mess and we are guests here it wouldn't be proper.".

"Like as not, be small anyway." she continued. "o'w bout 'is weddin' tackle stead?". She smiled hopefully. And poked the man a little.

"Why don't we flip a coin sweetheart?". As Jayne reached into his pocket.

The man made a strangled squeak and fainted dead away.

River cast a look around like she wanted some trouble. Did her knife trick again a couple of times and said "Well he wern't so tough now were he?".

"It's alright darling, you have my permission for next time.". And patted her gloved hand.

She bounced up and down and said. "o'i knew ya luved me!".

"_How did I do?". Jayne thought. "pretty good I'll help you, but only I get to growl while we're playing.".She sang._

No one got within ten feet of them as the walked to the table.

They walked over to the rest of the crew and Mal looked them up and down before saying, "You two having a good time?".

River answered " 'aving a wondaful time captain, o'i almost got me a souvenir.". And River did the knife trick once more.

"Absolutely Darling. Would you like to accompany me to the dance floor. Perhaps another Tango?". Jayne said picking up on her cues.

"lead th way husband, lead th way.". And taking his arm they moved to the dance floor taking their bubble of space with them.

Mal asked "What did I just see there?".

"Arrr Cap'n it look like bit, o role playin ta me.". Wash said

"Oh my what ever will I do. Please Captain save me!". Zoe implored Mal.

"I am a pirate and mine is an evil laugh, Bwahaha.'.Wash laughed.

Mal looked at 'Nara she shook her head and said, "Don't you go lookin at me Capt'n Tightpants y'all hired em not me. Like ta get out o this get up an have us a private party where tha dress codes a might looser. I been right bad ta day, you find a hatch that locks I rightly deserve a spankin'. "'Nara said batting her eyes at him.

Mal was at a loss for words. Wiles oh that woman has a mess of em.

'Well who am I ta spoil all y'alls fun. Lets shoot out some lights and dance on the tables.

"Well hell Capt'n Tightpants you finally figured out a plan that works, I'm right impressed. Always did say it twern't a real party till the first girl got naked, somebody got shot er there was a least a fight. What you wanna do fuck er fight?". "Nara said. While getting up and doing a grinding lap dance to the music on Mal.

Mal joked." Don't got no foldin money on me girl if I don't tip, ya boss might toss us outta here.".

"Don't you worry none." She drawled "I'm fixin ta take it out in trade handsome.". And she hiked up her skirt and threw her leg over his lap and started buffin his zipper with her butt. Nobody at the table noticed how thin the crowd was getting at all.

Chapter Thirteen

Kaylee and Simon were walking back to the party.

"Well Doc Nightshade, Ya gonna keep me even iffin ain't no fancy core girl?". She said as she clung to his arm with both hands.

Well there Lil Kaylee girl, I'm a thinkin. A fussy lil core girl might be shiny for a while but sooner or later she'd be whinin bout this bein better than that or some other go'se. Reckon be a might annoyin less th sexin was hot n heavy."

Then he gave her an evil leer and said."But a right sexifin rim girl with a genius for fixin ma boat and keepin us in th black and a good cook sides. Girl I'll throw a chain roun you that'd never come loose. But darlin a happy ever after with a man like me might be as short as a man that can shoot faster n me. You'll be warmin my bed as long as I'm still breathin.".

Kaylee thought that was the most romantic thing Simon ever said ta her.

"Atherton Wing.". Kaylee gasped. And pointed

About twenty feet away four men with guns walked into the ballroom.

Simon pulled the pistol out of his coat pocket, Pulled the slide part way to make sure the chamber was loaded and flipped off the safety just like Jayne would have done. Smooth clean and ready to go.

"Darlin best you stay here till the shooting stops. Love ya.". Doc give her a quick peck and just as fast, cat walked to the door while holding his muzzle in the air. Back to the wall next to the door frame he peaked around it then went in weapon pointed and held with both hands in a secure combat grip.

Kaylee stood there terrified and flinched each time a shot went off a few seconds later. Once the shooting stopped she ran for the door and went right in.

"_Atherton Wing" River heard Kaylee say. _

"Bit o trouble comin love." River said.

Wash saw the six armed men coming in from the back and tried to get his pistol out.

Mal missed seeing anybody come in the front due to watchin Inara's fine behind.

River showed all this to Jayne. They moved like it was a dance they had done for years She pulled the dancing girl under his right arm with her right hand. Jayne pulled the other one with his right. Her face buried in the big mans chest. Their left arms wrapped around each other, pistols pointed straight forward they spun counter clockwise. Light slapping sounds, brass tinkling on the floor and bullets slapping meat were all you could hear from the dancing girls.

River took all six coming in from the rear. Blind, with six perfect head shots. They never knew it was coming.

Inara saw them coming from the front when Wash got off his first shot.

She bent forward at the waist grabbed Mal's legs backed up and knocked him over reverse cowgirl style just as Wing fired. Wash got off his second shot and hit Wing, not square but it stopped him.

Jayne was pissed he didn't have a clear line of fire. He got off one shot and dropped the hundan. But he saw Doc comin and he looked all types o intimidatin locked up in a combat grip.

Doc saw two targets and took the shots. Both men dropped, shot in the back. Some of the servants kicked pistols away from the downed men.

Simon said, "I'm a Doc let me through.". And ran to find Mal and Inara.

Kaylee hit the door at a dead run in time to see Simon running further into the room and didn't slow down till she caught him.

Doc growled, "Anybody hit,'.

"I got shot" Mal said like he was surprised.

Simon looked at Mal and saw it was a light hit on his left arm, a graze at worst.

He heard a guest say "These three are wounded.".

"I'll see to em Mal". Doc said as Inara was helping Mal up. Mal just nodded.

Doc walked over and looked at the three men on the floor.

"Which ones are the worst?". he asked.

"Those two.". A man pointed.

"Do I really need to tell you how bad you fucked up?". Doc said to the wounded men.

His hand flashed as it came up fast, and full of warm stainless steel.

"No, Reckon I don't.". He said in a voice cold as a grave.

The pistol barked two times, then two more. Both men lay dead with head and heart double tap. He was a Doctor he knew his anatomy.

The room was silent as he strode to Atherton Wing.

"The Captain is a good man and thinks mercy is a virtue."

"I don't. I'm going to make sure you can never hurt my family ever again.".

Warm steel barked twice then twice again, and the slide locked back empty.

Atherton was screaming on the floor, Knees and elbows destroyed.

Doc growled "Never said it would be quick or painless.".

Doc blew through the ejector port sending smoke out the barrel. He dropped the magazine partway hit the slide release closing the action, reseated the magazine. And smoothly slipped the warm pistol into his jacket pocket.

Doc walked to the nearby bar picked up two expensive bottles, went back to the table sat and slid one to Mal. Kaylee at his side in an instant. She asked him, "Are you ok?". Doc just nodded and took a drink from the bottle.

Mal said, " Is he ok?". 'Nara shut Mal up with a look and tended to his arm.

River handed Jayne her dancing girl. "Looks like I get me a souvenir ta night after all Husband.". She said softly full of menace. Jayne just looked at her with total adoration. "My turn!". She said with a growl as she walked to the broken Wing.

"Me husband said I could ave the balls of the next man wot offended me. I'll be havin yours for me collection then.". She smiled at a servant next to the buffet table and said, " If ya be so kind as ta bring me a pickle jar wot's got some juice n it, please. I'll be needin it ta carry me prize home.". And the man moved quickly from the room and was back in seconds with it.

Wash's pistol was on the table in front of him. His hand slid toward it. He thought to put the man down as the screams and sobs were downright creepifing.

Zoe put her hand on his arm and shook her head. "Don't deserve it. This sends a message Husband.". Wash nodded to her and the Doc.

Jayne pulled up a chair and set two more bottles down sliding one to Wash as he sat. "Thanks Doc, Wash.". The man nodded. "Shot was blocked, only got one.".

"Jayne, Got any more ammo? I'm dry. I'm not liking that a bit.". Doc said in a gravely voice.

Jayne pulled the other three pistols out of their concealment and dropped the mags and slid two to the doc and one to Wash. Put Doc's empty in one of the unfired guns and put em all away again.

"What about me?, don't I get more ammo. I got shot.". Mal said, showin the drink catching up on him.

Doc looked Mal dead in the eye. "You got shot because you were too busy rubbing on 'Nara's ass instead of paying attention.".

"Without her actions this would be a meeting of the board for a new Captain."." Dong ma, Captain Almost Dead Ass?".

"Not real happy with you right now sir. That's why "Nara got to tend to you.".

And Doc sniffed the top of the slide on his gun and tasted the residue by the ejector port.".

"Oh, Doc Nightshade You're my hero.".Kaylee Beamed.

"Shummu?" Wash asked

"Doc Nightshade, Evil outer rim space pirate, killer gunslinger, n right deadly.". "Takes what he wants. I'm his chained love slave. Kidnapped me right offa my boat out in th black.". "Pretended to be a core girl to escape his evil clutches.". " But Sexed the truth right outta me.". "When The Doc learned I was a genius mechanic and a good cook sides.. Well.". "Constantly Sexin me up so I don't mind bein in his evil clutches n all.". "But I'm secretly in love with him cause loves on me so good and treats me nice." Kaylee babbled happily.

"Well Doc Nightshade." Jayne said. "The first rule I learned in killer gunslingin school is iffin ya draw blood with a gun ya got a name her. So I guess you and Wash better think o somethin ta call em.".

"Second rule is, iffin they ain't chasin ya pick up all the iron so's it don't come back to shoot ya later."

"Third rule is most hits gets first pick and so on down the line till there all divvied up."

"Oh and th Fourth rule is New guys do the grunt work till the next new guy comes in.".

"The Fifth rule is no points if you don't shoot and get shot doin it. If ya get shot and ya shoot its a slidin scale.".

"Lets see Wash you got one guy in two shot but didn't plant em. Were a good hit don't get me wrong but it t'wernt square on. But you shot fore the Doc here.". "Good Job by th way I seen worse outta the gate than that."

"Now Doc You got some extra points comin. Les jus see. You was watchin fer trouble That's real important.".

"You came it that door th right way, holdin yer girl ready like, and most of all you looked right intimidatin.". Jayne nodded and continued.

"Thats four points ta start.".

"Ya shot your two guys in the back and disabled em. Again Shows brains. Kill them don't let them kill you. Only a idjit ed have some manly battle cry warnin the other guys you was comin.'.

"After th shootin you checked on your crew, real important too.". Jayne ticked off on his fingers

"You was real e-fficent e-liminatin your competition. With words for the bystanders to talk about after you was gone to build your repu-tation.". "

The double taps was just icin on th cake. And gives you cold blooded points." Jayne paused took a pull of he bottle and went on.

"Now with Wing there. That was jes poetry in Killer Gunslinger School.".

"You got th cold blooded points, Makin him watch and wait cause he was the leader.". "You get the intimidatin an th talkin points.". "Your competition pissed ya off so you didn't jes kill em you destroyed em.". Gut shot, knee an elbow shot n left fer the critters ta eat Thats a bad fuckin' way ta die, Doc." "Truly cold blooded.' Jayne said with true respect.

"But this here is the best and most important part It'll keep ya alive."

"After it was over ya took care of your weapon stayed calm, got a drink and sat in the only chair at th table where you could have a wall ta yer back and see all the doors without any body tellin ya too I'm proud a you Doc Nightshade." "I'd say you was top three per cent if not for River."

Jayne threw his are around The Doc's shoulder thumped him on the chest.

"So here's how it is. River is top dog today an gets first pick. Doc your next I'm third and Wash gets last but still played th game."

"Capt'n Almost Dead Ass finishes out th money an actually loses points for us havin ta save his ass." Jayne looked at Mal till he looked embarrassed for todays per-formance.

" 'Nara you get best save for bein fast enough to keep the Almost in the Capt'n name. Good job. You get one pick after Wash"

"Zoe, you kept Wash from lookin weak and doin somethin noble n messin up the Doc's play. Good for you. One pick after "Nara" Jayne Said proudly.

"Doc you and Wash collect th iron, both still low man." he said.

Jayne looked around the table took another pull on th bottle and said.

"My job was to help everybody make sense after ward n dis tract ya . While my better did a nasty without botherin th rest o ya.". 'How ya doin baby girl?"

"I can't seem to bleedin get em Husband. Ow m o'i gonna get em out luv?" River said sounding frustrated.

"Like this genius killer woman.' Jayne said got up stomped on the corpse with his heel just north of the base of it's dick and they popped right out.

River put them in the pickle jar. Then went back to work on him. She said "It's a dicfir.!"

Wash bit first. "What's a dicfir river."

"If ya don't mate ow-ever ya get Zoe knocked up? Humm?"

And even though it was stupid and crude everybody laughed because of tension and the fact it was the first joke she ever really told.

'All done husband, thanks for th elp." and River put the jar on th table.

Four round object floated in the jar.

Wash stared at the jar. "River? Are those his eyes?

"Spot on luv. In death as in life. Broken Wing a be lookin to his balls." River laughed.

The crew fell apart laughing, Wash was crying. 'Nara fell off Mal's lap and was rolling on the floor. Kaylee would laugh and snort, which got Doc roaring. Zoe had her face in her hands.

"Jokes on wing." River said. " Half a mo, I'll cut another joke offa 'e'm fore ya." she said. "E's got a million of e'm."

Wash was having trouble breathing now. "Zoe, Make her stop, make her stop..."

Now Mal was getting started. "Ath you're not looking too good, Ath speak to me." "Oh fuck it." Mal pulled his pistol and pumped a couple rounds into the corpsified late broken wing.

"Jayne how many times I gotta shoot him ta get points." Bang, Bang, Bang.

"Mal put up you iron you get a pick after Zoe fer funniest drunken Captain Almost Dead Ass." Jayne laughed.

Sir Warrick and Dame Ruth came in and surveyed the mayhem, carnage and drunkenness. Ruth spoke first "Well look like a party in here somebody got shot and it couldn't happen to a better fella." "Lets git y'all cleaned up and some coffee in ya. Theres folks want ta see ya.".

"You all look like you could use some of this. Humm looks like y'all a bit fuzzy on the subject of kneecaps too."

"Book!, good ta see ya." Jayne yelled "How are ya". And helped clear space for the coffee service.

"Get some of this in yourselves. And we'll talk in a bit. A few things we need to clean up first. He said looking around then went back into the kitchen.

_The payoff ain't quite here yet in this here tale. But I'm likin This verse better than Joss's so I expect to be playin here a spell. Now its comfy an all._

_I'm thinkin Doc Nightshade's got po-tential. Why jes think bout how a bunch a trainee companions would react to him an his future but already hooked brother in law. _

_And now that coin ain't a problem what wrongs might they right._

_Most but not all the bunnies are dead._

_Was the Sexin all right for Ya._

_And BTW in a stress aftermath I've seen some cruel things that were funnier than hell. You laugh just to feel alive some times And this bunch needed some healing up for sure._

_And to answer a common question. _

_Shot over wax. Don't be askin why can't open the book of me in the middle._

_Any ideas who we should kill next?_

_I'll try getting the last chapter up by this weekend_

_Everybody a heart felt thanks for all the great reviews I'm doin some healing too._


	6. Chapter 6

Striking The Balance

I own none of this. I'm just playing with their toys. Thanks to BadKarma00 for the inspiration. Apologies to all others if I lifted a few ideas here and there. This is my first fic ever posted and is unbetated. Please be kind.

Rated Hard R for violence, sex and or implied smut and more violence. There will be Rayne. Canon pairings. Set in an AU 6-8 months after the BDM where nobody but Mr Universe died.

Chapter Fourteen

Mal was starting to feel a little more clearheaded and the arm was numbed up with a mild pain reliever. He could hear Jayne and Doc talking to Shepard Book

but couldn't make out all the words. "do for me, do for you, you sure. stand, ok".

Doc came in and and said "Mal, I'm going to give you something to help." There was a hiss and cold followed by sudden heat and Mal felt really comfortable awake and shiny. Mal asked "What was that Doc? You doping me?".

"Only a little Mal we need your help it's important. Can you stand up?' asked Doc.

"Course bin stand up since a kid. Why trouble? Help you need help, told me important. Reavers?" Mal looked at the Doc a little confused.

"No reavers Mal." Doc looked into the mans eyes with a light. "It's worse than I thought Jayne. I'm afraid to do anything.".

"We have to do something Doc fore its too late." Jayne said. "And we need to hurry.".

"Is there anything I can do?" Book asked.

"Pray" they both answered.

"Help me move him Doc.".

"Worse? Too late? Hurry? Book praying!". Mal noticed it was getting darker and colder. Oh God I'm dying Mal thought and he grabbed Books hand.

"Shepard I'm sorry I make it through, you can say words on my boat. Pray on the boat. Don't want to go to the special Hell Book! I really still believe. Always did. Got lost a spell." Mal rambled.

"I understand and I'll remember Malcolm. Nows not the time." Book said

"If not now, when is a good time Shepard? Gotta be ready comes time, Not ready. Nara wheres Nara she ok?." Mal cried "Not fair was happy again."

and the tears flowed out of him.

"We better do this fast!" Mal heard Doc say.

"I'm ready" Jayne said.

"Now! Then get clear." Book said loudly.

Suddenly Mal was in the black floating, floating in the black! Did they throw him out the airlock? He started to scream. "No!"

And just a sudden he falling to earth again. Cold so cold. Wet, Wet? Can't breathe choking in water. He tried to find which way was up and then. Air.

_"Liou koe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze." __Mal said._

_"What am I doing in a rutting swimming pool. What the hell's going on."_

_"I'm sorry Mal. We had to sober you up before you miss the wedding!" Book said._

_"Grab him Doc don't let him get away." Jayne yelled._

_"We have to get him dressed." Book said._

_"I got the shotgun" said a voice._

_"It loaded?" Jayne said. "It won't work if it ain't loaded!"_

_"Got the shells right here. The man said._

_"Hurry we got to get him dressed." Doc said._

_The three men striped Mal and had in dressed in just a few minutes. Two dressed him while one held him. "Wheres 'Nara?" Mal asked._

_"See her in a few minutes." Jayne said._

_Oh God there givin 'Nara an him a shotgun wedding. He thought._

_"Books gonna ask you one question. You gotta say____ I do__That's all ____Dong Ma?__"_

_Jayne said. "You say anything else or pass out, Doc and I will kill you worse than Wing. We'll Let River put your balls in a jar Mal." Jayne yelled._

_"Tell me what you have to do Captain!" The Doc yelled._

_" Book, Question. Say I Do, that's all. Don't pass out. Or balls in jar." Mal stammered._

_This was not how he wanted to marry 'Nara he thought._

_"Ready as we can make him Doc." Jayne said "Lets go."_

_They drug Mal into a room that was too bright. Lots of people._

_Book was facing him. He looked over for 'Nara. Not "Nara._

_Jayne said in his ear "Say I do, or die, Mal."._

_Mal looked for 'Nara. She was way over there._

_He looked next to him. No not lil tross. _

_Wrong girl She was dressed sexy but covered in guns and knives._

_Balls in a jar. Mal swallowed hard. Missed Books question._

_Doc holding shotgun, Jayne's elbow. Lil tross looking mad._

_"I do" Mal said._

_Wiles worse than Saffron. These are his family too. So wrong. Mal thought._

_'Nara helped him to sit down._

_Inara said "Thank you for giving the bride away sweetheart."_

_But Mal had passed out._

_Simon handed Jayne the shotgun, one down he thought as Jayne held the gun on him as a man he just met handed over his daughter. A few questions answered and Simon was married in a fine rim world traditional double shotgun wedding.. _

_"But Jayne I still really don't understand." the Doc said._

_"Ok Simon. Les go over this one more time, It's tradition." _

_"Brings the couple luck and happiness. They do two at a time cause a Shepard ain't always round."_

_"Bin ta some weddin's had ten couples. More couples bigger party."_

_"I picked you cause now your mah brother in law. Did it for you cause Lil Kaylee's brother wern't here. She's like a lil sister ta me anyway. And her Pa gave her ta ya." _

_"Mal gave me River cause your Pa gave her to them gorram blue hands. Mal givin me River makes her his daughter so's Tam don't go on no paper alliance track." _

_"Don't leave no trail if they ever come lookin. You changin yer name does tha same fer y'all. No trail, jes stops. We get ya ID's n that name. Got a marriage license signed by a real Shepard. Lot a places is all ya need." _

_"Don't need no paper ta be a Doc on tha boat. Or most of the places we go either. It's shiny. Sides it's what the girls wanted. So lets go join th party."_

_"__Plus now we're Kin. You know Kin is important ta me.". Jayne said. _

Mal was finally coming around and 'Nara was right there.

"'Nara I had a hell of a dream. River was gonna cut off my balls if I didn't marry her. And her brother held a shotgun on me to do it with help from Jayne."

"Oh Mal, That's not what happened. You gave away the bride!" Inara said.

"At first I thought it was you but didn't want to do it that way. Wanted to wait till the time was right" Mal said.

"Malcolm Reynolds." She huffed. "You best do something soon! I'm carrying you child."

"Well 'Nara I'd be pleased If you could go get Book. If you're of a mind to."

Mal smiled.

It was a private ceremony with only the crew present and Wash got to hold the shotgun this time. He said it was his turn.

"I still don't understand 'Nara." Mal said.

"Simple, Reynolds, Washburne, Cobb and Nightshade LLC will buy out all the other holdings on paper. We loan ourselves the money to buy ourselves.

The Tams vanish in case of later searches. Makes us more safe to raise the children.

Actually we will make money on the deal." Inara said

"Can we go to the party now Daddy?" River asked.

Mal wanted some kids but always expected babies first. Got the pitter patter of combat boot first instead. "Lets go." Mal said as he shook his head.

"Afraid to be a grandpa." River said to Inara with a big smile.

"You still owe me an explanation on how this is all happenin 'Nara." Mal quietly told her.

"Well Mal I'll tell you the story." and Inara started simply.

"Once upon a time there was a grumpy disillusioned space ship Captain." Inara laughed.

Mal said "Skip ahead some Darlin'.".

"Ok it was wiles, alright I admit it. You chased me until I caught you."

"It took so long for us because I let you set the pace. River and Kaylee took control and skipped ahead of us Mal." Inara said. "River told me what date to have everybody together for this. She is a genius after all."

"Here's how I propose our relationship will work." Inara told him boldly.

"I'll worry about the long term goals. Our investments since Miranda have made us rich." she continued with a smile.

"That frees you to make the daily operation of the ship and be the Captain. My job is to be your everything. I will use wiles as you call them on you as needed."

"I'm your motivation and direction. You are the protector. You're Captain there's no changing that. We've just removed some complications to make life run smoother is all. You still have final decision. Mal." Inara finished.

Mal thought about this for a few minutes. Still his call on the ship, Ok. But Mal knew 'Nara would be choosing what she let him decide on. " Mal laughed. "You keep me thinking I'm still in charge, even though we both know you really run things. Right?" Mal said to his bride.

Inara smiled. And River said " He gets it. Let's go party."

When they arrived upstairs it was old home week. And the party was in full swing. Sir Warrick and Dame Ruth let the couples know they wanted them to stay a few days as guests.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, It is my honor to introduce you to, Jayne and River Cobb. Dr. Simon and Kaylinnet Lee Nightshade and Captain Malcolm and Inara Reynolds." Sir Warrick Harrow proudly announced and the crowd applauded.

"Make with their gift War." Ruthie elbowed her husband.

"Captain Reynolds and your fine crew. I and certain friends became aware you were responsible for the Miranda Wave."

"Most of us did not support Unification." There was a very verbal affirmation of this statement from the crowd. Sir Warrick waited for it to die down and continued. "Resources were pooled to give you a small amount of credit for a restart for those actions.'

"Mrs Reynolds is an astute woman of business. She parleyed that seed capital into your current success. And allowed the original members of the Serenity Investment Group to also profit. As a small token of our appreciation a private secure landing area with housing, warehousing office and maintenance facilities has been purchased in your names here on Persephone. We would like to provide a stable base of operation for your future dealings." Sir Warrick stated.

"It is my honor to present you deeded title for your holding." Sir Warrick said and gave Mal an envelope.

"Since all operating officers and principals in the Serenity group are present there will be a short meeting tomorrow.". With businesses completed he said firmly but his accent not quite so proper. "Let's get this shindig goin' people!".

And with that the band started playing upbeat music.

The crew was seated at the head table with Warrick and Ruthie. He insisted all titles be dropped as this was a gathering of friends not a planetary council meeting. After food and some more drinks. There was dancing. The crew leading the first dance.

Later Inara explained to Mal,"We didn't plan on having a wedding today sweetheart. When Jayne saw Book was here he wanted him to seal himself and River. He made that decision. And when Simon got to meet Kaylee's parents he made a decision too. I didn't plan all of that. This was supposed to be a celebration to honor the whole crew."

"Wedding's were a secondary addition." his bride smiled at him. "I was trying to find a way to tell you about the baby but it was hard. I didn't plan for it."

"Are you mad sweetheart?" she asked Mal.

" 'Nara I'm happy. You're happy. Crew's happy. I want us all ta stay that way." Mal told her smiling.

About that time a voice from the stage started singing, "Jayne the man they call Jayne...".

Inara recognized Fess Higgens as the band leader. And laughed. He had told her he was not going to run a mud farm manned with slaves and was happy she provided the direction and motivation for that decision.

"Hey ther playin my song," Jayne exclaimed. "The hero of Canton the man they call Me..". He sang along.

River looked at Simon and said "You should go play piano Simon."

You're musical inclined Simon?" Kaylee asked in surprise.

"Go play for Kaylee but remember to play my song later." Said his sister and with that River and Jayne went to the dance floor.

Simon escorted Kaylee to the stage. "Oh Doc Nightshade, it's so romantic and manly how ya made me marry ya. Yer evil partner holdin a gun on me ta make me submit ta yer strong will n all. Really do love ya." her voice holding a lilt and shine of love.

"Lil Kaylee." Doc replied in a gravely tone. "Never a worked iffin tha gun wern't loaded, jes like my evil partner said. Sides jes cause you are my wife don't mean you're still not my love slave no more." He chuckeled suggestively.

"Simon you sound so sexy and more relaxed like that. If any body ever asks our story I'm a tellin em your evil pirate tale.'"She laughed.

"Kaylee we all change it just took me a while. And you can tell everybody that story if it makes you happy. Mrs Nightshade." Simon told her.

She just glowed, thought how shiny it was and went with to the stage.

River and Jayne were still on the dance floor when Kaylee's voice came over the PA system and announced, "Hi I'm Kaylee Nightshade! My husband the Doc wants ta play me a song. Fore he does though I wanna thank Y'all for givin us a place to be when we're not in the black, where I can work on my girl.".

After the applause died down she said proudly."This here is my husband Doc, I'm sure he's got words too.".

Doc took her hand and looked at the crowd. "She thanked ya already for your kindness now I want to thank her."

Doc looked at her speaking to her as if the crowd wasn't even there. "I stole you away out in the black. Stole your heart and made ya marry me, point of a gun. Truth of it is,I never needed to steal a thing. It was free for the asking the whole time. You know I love you I showed you by killing in cold blood today so you would be safe. Needed to tell you how much I love you.".

River danced with Jayne as her brother started to sing. "Something in the way she moves .Attracts me like no other lover.. .".

Kaylee stood watching Doc, if she thought she was excited when he spoke to her, she was really lubed up when he started singing to her. He motioned to her and she sat next to him on the piano bench. So handsome and smart. She couldn't keep the joyful tears from rolling down her cheeks.

Zoe and Wash went to dance as Mal looked at Inara "Well that was an interesting confession of love". Inara marveled and felt all warm and quivery inside.

Mal looked at her "Sounds like we might hear that story retold."he smiled.

"Sounds like ." she softly agreed.

Jayne looked at River and thought _"Doc's a lot smoother as a Nightshade than a Tam, baby girl.". _

"_Less pressure, he can be himself more. He's happy so am I Husband.". _

"_Me too baby girl, me too."._

After he finished singing Doc whispered something to Fess the band leader. Fess nodded and got the band to play along with him.

"_Jayne I'm going to show you a dance." River sent him. _

The band took off on a fast instrumental song River had played earlier in the car.

Jayne was surprised at the high class people running out to dance.

He followed Rivers lead. Jumping and stepping and thrusting in two long lines. He thought they looked like ruttin birds, and looked silly but it was making her happy. So he smiled and went along.

Looking around he saw that scary guy Antonnelli and the blond woman from the salon,

Wash was trying to teach Zoe.

Then he saw Book doin it too.

Doc was playin the hell out o that piano standin bent over th keys and he even was banging his foot on the keys. An lil Kaylee was a starin at em all round eyed and smilin..

Mal looked at Inara "Just what am I seeing here darlin?".

"I'm not real sure Mal. I know its really old".

Then they saw River headed to the stage

"Stop. Bring the virgins to the floor!". River said into the microphone.

And the people on the floor stopped dancing and started dragging bystanders into the crowd. Mal was looking to the exit when a voice behind him said.

"You ain't afraid of a little old dance are you Sgt Reynolds?". Master Sgt. Antonnelli growled and grabbed him and Inara and moved them to the stage.

"It's tradition to make the uninitiated come forward to do this dance." said Doc into the microphone. And started the band back up.

"Time is fleeting.." Doc sang as they played and River sang a part too.

"

It's just a jump to the left.." Doc sang

"It's so dreamy oh fantasy free me..' River sang in some strange accent.

Mal tried to follow along.

"I was walkin down the street.." River sang all squeaky..

And the horn section of the band was all lined up doing steps.

They played the song twice and really poured it on.

Inara looked over at Wash he had Zoe doing it too and they were having fun.

Jayne was dancing with Kaylee at the front of the stage.

She even saw Book.

She smiled at Mal and he smiled back "Kinda fun huh?"

He laughed and looked around. Then the band just kind of ran out of power and a bunch of the dancers sort of fell down on their backs. Then they got back up again. Mal had never seen the like of it before and thought the Doc was full of surprises.

"_Thank you Simon that was great!" River sent him._

"Welcome." he said out of breath and went to Kaylee. Kissed her hard and in a snap she was over his shoulder he slapped her ass playfully and she squeaked loudly. She looked around and was waving and saying "G Nite" as he carried her out.

Well Jayne knew a good a good idea when he saw it. Snatched River up with a kiss and tossed her up an his shoulder.

River said in her loud playful Dyton voice, "Well bout bleeding time ya took me in a manly fashion Husband! Thought I'd ave ta carry you out! He smacked her bottom loud and she squealed "Ooh I bin bad husband!". _I Like that Jayne Go with me she thought. _

"What did you do now?" he asked playin to th crowd. _This is right sexifin he thought. _

She went down the list of fun she had at the ball earlier like he hadn't been there. He'd smack her hard for each misdeed, and she would squeal and jump.

Right down the list.

They were near the door when she into gory detail about Wing and he smacked her Hard again

She said "Wait me souvenir!". _put me down._

He did and she ran to the table and grabbed the jar ran back and showed it to him looking all proud of herself. Then did the magic knife trick twice fast.

"Again!". He said. She nodded and looked guilty.

Then she did a standing jump and he just caught her on his shoulder.

Smack,squeal.

As they passed Badger and his woman on the way out he said "G-nite missus".

River gave him a little wave and shook the jar and pointed at it and winked.

"Thinking wicked thoughts too." Badger heard as they left the room.

Badger watched them go and after they were out of earshot he said to his wife, "See woy I didn wan t ta marry a girl from 'ome?".

His voice carried and Mal even heard him.

Quite a few people laughed.

The young maid in the hall showed them to their room. And River detailed the wicked thoughts out loud continuing the show. The maid was pink and flush by the time they got to their room. _She likes a boy here, going to sex him in the laundry room now. She thought. _He smacked her again hard as she pushed the door closed over his shoulder.

The young maid hurried away with a determined grin and a gleam in her eyes.

_Jayne thought she looked right sexifin in the little dress she was wearin. And the guns and knives set him off._

_Thank you for them. She sent. Perfect accessories and so many!. Glad we went back to the ship to change. Would have married you covered with blood but Book was yelling in his head , too much chaos there already._

_Glad Daddy was awake long enough, confused him bad._

"Enough" Jayne said as he put her down. And ripped most of the buttons off his shirt trying to get it off.

_May and June get to go on the hornymoon. _Putting her dancing girls on the nightstand.

"Honeymoon killer woman."Jayne corrected her.

_Right first time husband. _And she flew out of her clothes. _Come here._

_I have something for you. Want to taste you._

As he finally removed his pants she grabbed his arm and threw him on the bed hard and jumped up on him. Rubbing her cute little ass on his erection. He felt how wet she was and the heat of her.

He could feel th blood pounding in his John Thomas an it almost hurt he was so hard. Spankin that fine ass of her'n got his juices flowin sumthin fierce.

He tried to put his hands on her hips and just stick her hard on top o him but she got her hands under his an reversed his arms an had em pinned palms up by his sides with her hands on his wrists an he couldn't move em atall.

_Anticipation for sexual intercourse has caused a state of hypersensitivity. _

_Rapid oral activity employed will allow mutual satisfaction to occur with effectively no delay in sexual activities. _

_Uh you wanna pop me quick cause I"m ready ta go, an have me warm you up while I git ready again so's were both happy?_

_You understand intentions correctly!_

River slid down and positioned herself between his legs took him in hand.

_From data received through medical texts circumference and length are well above median and secretion of seminal fluids indicates exceeded tolerances to stimulus. This is first examination in field so variables between test examples and data are unknown._

_Uh bigger than normal, Bin tole tha fore. ready to go, and ya don't know if tha books is right cause ya ain't seen many ,right?_

_Only example observed in a living subject. Further comparison is unnecessary and unwanted due to previous confirmation of functionality. I will decrease fluid pressure._

The first touch was cautious and her lips slid over the tip feeling his heightened state. Then she increased coverage rapidly.

Jayne felt her lips wrap around the head of his John Thomas. He was so hard he was ready ta pop an it almost hurt. All of a sudden her head dipped lower and he felt her tongue swirl around tha head slow like.

Without notice she went all the way to tha root and shook her head and growled. She kept going deep and shaking her head side ta side, growlin like a mean dog on a kitten.

She slid it out of her mouth and looked at his face with a big grin and did it again. The third time was too much. When he went off she was all the way down. Afraid he was gonna choke her he tried to push her off.

She dug her nails into his thighs and pushed down harder and growled even louder while making wet sucking noises. When she came back up her face was a wet mess and she was wiping her fingers over her face and sucking them one at a time looking him dead in the eye while doing it.

"'at alright then husband? Lot came out, more n thought." She smiled her face a mess while her little fist pumped his twitchin member. The grin on her face was wild, like animal wild.

"Oh yeah baby girl that was mighty fine." he said, and thought it was the best he ever had without payin serious coin

"Nice t know could make fair coin on ya if I was t charge husband." she laughed an went to the bath. Wiped her face and came back and wiped him off.

"Got keep weapons clean like, want em work proper." and said. 'ow bout return in th favor husband?"

He pulled her tiny body up to him so delicate but tough at the same time and rolled her to her back. And kissed her softly but firmly as he lay next to her letting one big hand caress her soft finely muscled body.

As he touched her soft pale skin she would tense and release muscles under his hand like she was moving her body without moving. Her stomach rippled under his hand as he went lower. Smooth he thought as he continued to kiss her. And wet too as he touched her sex slowly. Teasing her bud with the tip of his finger and softly scraping it with his fingernail.

Feeling her sharp breath he put two fingers in with his thumb up top. Turned his hand palm up and went looking for her spot curling up his fingers and rubbing them back and forth. When he found the right spot he concentrated on it and pressed on her bud at the same time and she screamed into his mouth.

He pulled his other arm from around her neck and leaned on his elbow moving away from the long kiss his face wet from her mouth. The look on her face was pure sex, hungry. Then went pleading still without a word.

He continued to work his hand hard as he licked and bit her neck finding a good spot at the base of her jaw an inch below her ear. When he hit it she fluttered around his hand and moaned his name. Moving on he continued to explore with his mouth lower and lower.

He paused again at the base of her throat where the bones made a V and she shuddered again. Then mouthed around her breasts still ignoring her nipples.

Noticed her breasts were slightly larger than his hand could cup too, and that the ring around the bud of her nipples were about the size of his thumbnail with the buds looking like pink pencil erasers. He breathed on the far one and rubbed his beard in the near one which made her breathe harder.

Lifting his head he looked at her face and saw she was biting her bottom lip.

He pulled his hand back and put three of his large fingers in hard and fast, while biting her closest nipple fairly hard.

She screamed like he'd touched her with a hot blade.

When he started to wiggle his fingers like a fish goin upstream she clenched so hard he couldn't move em side to side at all so he went in and out and rubbed his thumb on her go button. She screamed again and kept screaming.

The harder he bit the louder she got. She clenched again and he couldn't move his fingers at all. Like she caught him in a trap. Her screams were in waves with her breath wobbling like a police siren.

He bit down harder, rubbed his thumb around and she went limp completely and twitched on his hand. He lifted his head and looked at her. Her eyes were all rolled up and her breath was coming in pants and moans.

When he could move his hand he pulled it out and pulled her on her side facing him and held her till she came back. He was hard as a rock again from watching her as she went over the edge.

He rolled her around a little to get where he wanted her. She was so bendy and flexible, was like she was a half stuffed rag doll. Got her knees folded up under her chest and got behind her holdin her hips tight.

He drove in fast and hard and hit bottom. She started screaming again right away. So he just pounded harder.

She started growling and making noises like a cross between dogs fighting in a pit, and beating a wild animal to death with an ax handle. Shivering like she was wet and naked outside in winter time.

He went harder and the headboard banged the wall in time with them. She fluttered out twice before he had enough and finished.

_She thought MINE _and the darkness took her.

Jayne heard her think _MINE _ and she went silent and limp and her breath evened out.

He tended to her with the towel and stretched her out. Found a pillow and spooned up behind her on his side. He thought on how much he loved her till the dark got him too.

There was a loud banging sound coming from the laundry room like they were washing a load of bowling balls but the prep chef found the door was locked and she didn't have a key.

Kaylee lay with Doc, arms and legs all twisted together. Thinkin he done her good an proper with comin back for seconds n all. He was so shuai an shiny.

She asked him," What you thinkin about?".

"Did you have a nickname as a kid?" Doc asked her.

She told him,"My little brother called me Layli when he was little an it stuck.". "Why? She asked.

He drawled to her half in character and said, "Be a good name for my gun don't you think?".

She said. "That's shiny Doc.".

"What are you thinkin about darlin?". Doc smiled.

At that moment she was really thinking he sounded like that boy back home that went off planet to school but had ta come back after his Pa died. It'd changed the way he talked. Made him sound more educated than the local boys. Bout broke her heart when he took up with another girl.

But she looked at Doc an said," Think'n you might still have some juice left if I squeeze ya right." She reached down and squeezed.

"Yep, almost ready." and she slid down the bed and teased him till he was.

The two remaining married couples from Serenity sat at the head table with their hosts. Book sitting with them. Between Book, Inara and Monte, Word of who did the Miranda wave got around. Just about everybody still alive that Mal and Zoe knew was there tonight.

Mal noticed Wash had on a nice looking rig on holding his new pistol.

"What ya name her Wash?" Mal asked.

"I named her Amy Capt'n. First one, had to start with A " Wash said looking real proud.

"Well Zoe I guess it'll be a while before one gets named for you then.' Mal laughed.

Zoe started to speak but Wash put a hand on her arm.

Mal noticed Wash's hand had dropped to the butt of his gun.

"Mal that was plain rude." Wash said low and quiet like, "Could move a little slower and next time you can be Capt'n Dead Ass, Sir. Probably still have time to get a Betty since you're a _Meh, tah mah duh hwoon dahn bullet magnet and will get shot first. Sir!"._

_Mal saw something in that look to make him rethink his comment. _

_He missed the look Inara was using to burn a hole in the back of his head. So __she kicked his leg, Hard._

_He did see Zoe's though when she looked at him, Wash's was scarier._

_"Wash I'm truly sorry." Mal said. "I meant to make a joke. Expect if Jayne were here he would a give you some intimidating and formidable points."_

_"No problem sir." Wash said but he didn't look happy._

_Zoe looked to Wash "You did good tonight husband. Expect you to have one named after me sooner than some think. I'm not going anywhere I can get shot at with babies in me. They will need your manly intimidating and formidable help."._

_He smiled at Zoe and looked proud nodded and lifted his hand off his gun._

_Mal's mind locked on the word, Babies. And he kept his mouth closed._

_Inara didn't miss it either._

_Lots of folks wanted to get a word at them._

Badger stopped by the table with his wife lookin respectable and had even been invited. It shocked Mal a bit when "Nara called him William.

They were all shocked when Monte showed up with YoSaffBridge. She was goin by Sarah now and dark haired. Monte had got pinched by the Feds on a drop and she was at the same lock up after she got caught for the Lassiter job bout a year and a half ago.

Monte broke her out when his crew sprung him. All had a big laugh when 'Nara called em polygamists but YoSaffBridge, Uh Sarah, told her Mal was safe cause there wern't no license paper filed anywhere. She must a loved Monte as she was carryin one in the oven. At least they looked happy and that beard was still gone.

Band leader came over Mal didn't get his name. But he said he was the port controller on Higgens moon that released the land lock so they could get away cause Jayne was his hero n all. They all thanked him a bunch and he went back to playing.

Lil Kaylee's Ma an Pa came over he was bout half in the bag an kept calling him Sal. She just apologized and said it was a long day. Mal had to agree with her there. A lot had happened.

_Wow hot and steamy Rayne huh. Boy that just flowed. Read it three times telling myself I was looking for typos. Need a shower now. LOL_

_River is looking like Cameron in my verse. _

_In my mind the girls are always looking good and running hot _

_Inara's been workin on em._

_This a really good place to end this, so I will._

_I read a lot before I was inspired enough to write this._

_I hope it inspires someone else to give it a shot so I can post shiny reviews._

_For all those who had ideas stolen, In the immortal word of Jack Benny "I only steal from the best.". Please take it as a compliment. It means it made enough of an impression I remembered it. And I will give props if I can remember where it came from._

_Gina & Julie there's your love song and Time warp_

_Your other Idea will be in the next one_

_It's summer in New Zealand now right?_

_Many thanks your accents are lovely_

_Voice e-mail me anytime._

_Sunshineali _

_I owe you a monitor if you short it out spitting soda on it, Or if it melts _

_Got several more of those comments. _

_Might make it a learning experience for Mal.. _

_Yes bathroom counter tops Are jes right fer sexin lil darlin, _

_more killer gunslingin school comin._

_Again BadKarma00 Mad Props My Brother!_

_Shade--Nightshade--inspiration!_

_We may not live on the same street but_

_we been down some of the same road for sure._

_Looking forward to a Spartan Verse Visit That Verse Rocks._

_Found out I can only keep one plot bunny in the drawer _

_at the same time otherwise, well you know what bunnies do._

_Coming soon to a posting near you.._

_Pirates and Companions_

_The Adventures of Jayne & Doc Nightshade _

_Same verse. I'm moved in now, gonna walk the worlds a spell._

_Hot steamy Rayne as the need strikes me. _

_Uh Way more often _

_And Doc & Kaylee will get more play._

_I like Wash and Zoe implied and afterglow best._

_Big tough dinosaur playing Wash? Anyone_

_Still got to work on Mal and 'Nara, hard for me _

_unless there's some role playing going on _

_NC-17 at least._

_Got some interesting Ideas.?_

_Hints? Suggestions?_

_Chained love slaves?_

_River using a whip in combat?_

_More testosterone in menfolk?_

_Music? Sex? Violence?_

_An appearance by the Pirate King?_

_Reaver plot bunnies?_

_As I look back I wish I would have completely pounded this out and punched it up some earlier in the story. But it was my first shot posting. Next time though it comes all at once. Breathing hot and heavy even. _

_And that River, Dyton accent tough rim chick thing, well yum!_

_Big hint! Things are never what they appear to be on the surface._

_There are plot mines a plenty. Tap dance around them if you need to._

_The most important thing I found out writing this is...Drum roll please_

_Get a comfortable chair_

_When your butt falls asleep it hurts._

_But when it snores.. That's Scary!_

_River's Dancing Girls, May & June inspired by the Walthers P-22_

_With the NEW carbon fiber lowers and stainless steel slides._

_And AWC Amphibian Stainless Suppressors. _

_(200 dollar tax stamp. Class 3 FFL's only)_

_And they sound no louder than a soft snap of the fingers_

_and a slap at the target. And the tinkle of the brass._

_Jayne might get creative for self defense for the boat._

_As my Seal buddy SQUANTOS says _

"_Be polite,Always have a plan to kill everybody in the room, But be polite."_

_More soon I promise. Tony_

_When I hold you in my arms. oh yeah!_

_And I feel my finger on your trigger. _

_And I know nobody can do me harm._

_Happiness is a warm , yes it is, Gun! _

_Bang bang shoot shoot_

_Happiness is a warm Gun. Mama_

_Bang bang shoot shoot_


End file.
